[connect.the.stars]

There is nothing wrong with me. Have had exposure to perfect opportunities in life. Should be happy.

I am just bad. Don't take all chances. Take it all for granted. Don't appreciate.

Feel bad because I am bad.

Solution?

Stop being bad.

Even believing I am bad is bad.

Bothering friends is bad.

Not caring is bad.

Being selfish is bad.

I am bad.

Bad.

Really bad.

Awful.

But nothing should theoretically be wrong.

I am just the rotten one in the bunch.

Not like oh poor her she went through so much.

Nope, nothing like that. Am not amazing. Did not struggle. Did not have to go through hardship. Still turned out awful. People speculate it's because of XYZ that people get depression. But I think I am just sad I'm not amazing.

That phrase in itself sounds awful. Oh boo hoo you're not amazing. Get over yourself.

It's not like anyone cares. Just keep talking to yourself negatively. See how you like it. Oh you feel bad? Yeah well screw y-- I mean well you are me. I don't know why I'm talking like this. Being stupid.

Bad. Worst daughter ever. Don't know why anyone would want me to be part of their life. Would just be better without me. No one needs me. Anytime anyone talks to me they are probably thinking why does it go into one ear and out the other?

Oh probably because I wish I didn't exist. I act like I'm not there. Then complain no one notices me. Stupid. Set self up for failure. Worst.

I'm sure they eventually get tired of sitting down with me and unscrewing my bigoted head. And just saying - you're messed up. Deal with it.

I guess there's something wrong with me. But at the same time there is nothing wrong with me. Nothing is wrong. But something is wrong. Because I am wrong. Maybe I will be okay being Nothing. But I am not nothing. I cant be nothing. So therefore I am wrong. But nothing is wrong.

Ugh don't read anymore. Doubt anyone read down to here. It just looks like a bunch of zigzags overlapping over and over again until it's a huge mass of crossed out lines.

Nobody should ever be my friend. All I'll end up doing is disappointing them. Same with family. Nothing but awfulness.

Nothing is wrong It's always okay. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong.

Stupid attention seeker.

[kaliope]

sounds like you are driving yourself deeper with a lot of negative self talk. it doesnt make you bad. it sounds programmed to me. this is typically reflective of negative messages received from influential people in our lives. happiness does not stem from the "perfect opportunities" we have had in our lives", we could have been given everything. sometimes it is all in our heads, as in messed up brain chemicals.

i found a way to combat the negative self talk. it took a while and persistence, but it worked. i had to find one indisputable fact. one good thing about me that i could not prove wrong. like i could not say people loved me, not even my kids, they had to love me. i was their mom. but one thing i could not dispute was that i was an excellent writer. i have always received A;s on papers. teachers would use them as examples as how papers should be written in class. now i write professional reports for the court and i have decrees signed by judges stating what excellent comprehensive reports were provided to assist in making their decisions. there is nothing negative i can come up with to "prove" i am not a good writer....except online...but that just proves i am lazy...so this is my indisputable fact of one positive thing about me. so when i would have negative self talk, I would counteract it with the positive message. so using your message as an example...i am bad, but i am an excellent writer. my positive message negates the negative one so i end up feeling better instead of putting myself down. eventually i was able to come up with more good things about me as i started to believe i could have good qualities as i wasnt all bad. i hope you can try this. take care.

[vital]

Originally Posted by connect.the.stars

...
Nobody should ever be my friend. All I'll end up doing is disappointing them. Same with family. Nothing but awfulness.

Nothing is wrong It's always okay. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong. Nothing is wrong.

Stupid attention seeker.

Hi connect.the.stars,

Sometimes people do get comfortable being depressed. You get good at it after a while. It is familiar, it protects you in a way, by you withdrawing from everything and, I guess, there can be some short term benefits that draw you to it even if you are not consciously aware of it.

I don't know if you have seen this already, but about the thoughts you have posted, I think that these notes might interest you

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

You might recognize something happening in your own head that's very hard to recognize by yourself when you're in the middle of it. This helped me a huge amount, and it has helped others too.

- vital

[Fuzzybear]

I agree with Kaliope, these negative self messages sound "programmed" to me, programmed by abusers who want you to feel terrible ...

Connect the stars - please don't say that about yourself! You were soooooo kind to me each and every time we ever spoke! I really appreciated your messages, you have no idea how much!

Please allow me to be your friend, pretty please.

I know how you feel, I used to think exactly the same things, just basically replaced she/her with him/he. I so agree with Fuzzybear, it's toxic people and abusers reinforcing these things in your life. It's sub-conscious messages even from years ago.

You're so cool, one of the nicest people I've met on here.

[lostinwilderness]

Nothing is wrong (maybe)
But something is still missing (always)
There is no safe haven (ever)
There is no relief to be found (anywhere)
I am left to drown (by myself)
In the silence of the sound (oxymoron)
To remain as I am (alone)

That second to last line is meant to imply that even those who are of sound minds have nothing to offer but silence - no helpful suggestions to be found. Not very sure if it gets across.

((((((((((((((((((((((connect.the.stars)))))))))))))))))))))))

You are not the only one, you are not alone in feeling like this
There is always hope for the weary, always a tomorrow
This mood too shall pass time shall not find you remiss
For those that care for us most, it is never a point of rebuke
They hold us close to their hearts, never reconsidering
I guess this is the reason why we should always count our blessings



Do take care, I hope you feel better.