[Blues47]

I feel like I'm at the bottom of a deep narrow hole, hundreds of feet down, with only enough room for myself and no possibility of escape. Every day the hole gets deeper. There was a time when I could see light at the top even though I knew I'd never get back up there but the hole has taken some turns and I can no longer see out. Occasionally people call to me from above but they can't see me and I can't see them. Sometimes I answer but often it's not worth the effort. That's my life. My goal is to gather the courage to end it.

[spring2014]

hi blues,
please seek some professional help!!!! I was like that the further I sank into the hole , I felt hopeless and my depression and anxiety got worse . my former choir director noticed that I was going back into my anxiety and depression state and she suggested for me to get seek some professional help. I started seeing a counselor in October of last year .now I still see my therapist every three weeks now im taking meds for my anxiety and depression .it will pass blues . it just takes time .

[Idiot17]

Oh how well I can relate....stay safe....
((((Blues47))))

[francisR]

hi Blues

Suicide is not the answer it would totally devastate the lives of your loved ones and friends and you don't want to do that.
With good medication and therapy. It is possible to escape from the hole.
CBT is very good for that and you can Google, a therapist for your area. Acceptance and commitment therapy. The one I use is very good also. You can get self-help literature on this from the health section of the public library and Amazon. This will give you the skills to manage your depression. Even googling how to manage is brings up some very helpful information.
But it is useful to have a reason to go on. This could be a charitable cause that attracts or reconnecting with something that fired you up in earlier times. That would let you know you are making a difference. Keeping the mind busy doing, especially enjoyable things does take the focus away from feeling bad. Even setting and achieving small baby step goals will let you know that things are getting better What really drives recovery is being absolutely persistent and determined to fight it with everything you have, and that way you will win. Take care. I hope and pray you feel much better soon. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

[vital]

Originally Posted by Blues47

I feel like I'm at the bottom of a deep narrow hole, hundreds of feet down, with only enough room for myself and no possibility of escape. Every day the hole gets deeper. There was a time when I could see light at the top even though I knew I'd never get back up there but the hole has taken some turns and I can no longer see out. Occasionally people call to me from above but they can't see me and I can't see them. Sometimes I answer but often it's not worth the effort. That's my life. My goal is to gather the courage to end it.

How are you doing today Blues?

- vital

[Mountainbard]

I know exactly how you feel. That's how I describe my depression too. Thankfully I've found good help and meds that work. I still get somewhat depressed but it's nothing like that bottom-of-the-well feeling. I hope you can find some help. You are a worthwhile person and you owe it to yourself to find the help you need.

[waterknob1234]

Hi Blues47. I hope you find some professional help. I have been where you are, and thinking nothing would ever change or improve. But things do change. You are worth the effort. Your life is worth it. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

[Blues47]

I appreciate the words of encouragement. I've thought about getting medication just to numb my feelings until I gather the courage I mentioned but I see it as just throwing pills down the hole. I'm not interested in recovery; I just want to vent here because there's nowhere else to vent. vital asked how I am doing today...the same. I attempted suicide 25+ years ago to avoid this life and failed. I was in the hole then and I've been in it ever since, albeit a little deeper each day.

On the plus side I enjoy posting here and offering empathy where I can so I'll continue to do that.