Depressed and stuck

I'm so depressed and stuck here, I cannot move past it this time it seems. I want to talk to a doctor but I don't feel comfortable in doing so.
I have a habit of hiding how I feel in front of other people and I just cannot bring myself to tell somebody I want to die!!!

I'm a mother of 2, my youngest is so much work and I feel that I need to get out more and do something with my life but my social anxiety makes that pretty damn impossible.. So here I am wasting away in my home.. I am so bored to tears and unmotivated.

I feel trapped and suffocated right now. I went to therapy for a year and saw no improvement. So now I'm not sure what else, and I'm too terrified to try medication again.

I'm desperate for help and I don't know how to get it :'(

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Hi Jadenmia1,

You might get a benefit from these notes where you'll find a way to use the daily stuff you're doing anyway to help heal you from depression.

http://egg.bu.edu/~youssef/SNAP_CLUB...0164151576.pdf

This can, at least sometimes, have a huge effect.

Even if you are hesitant, I think it's a good idea to talk about this with your regular MD and make sure you've been checked for the many common purely medical conditions that could be dragging you down. You may find some hints about this and other healthy things to do here:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

- vital

hi jade ,
please go to the doctor and some professional help .talk to someone about it .

Currently I'm also stuck on the problem of hiding how I feel and unable to express it.
Good luck to you on finding the strength to overcome this obstacle.

Thankyou for the advice vital, I agree with you. It is like im on autopilot all of the time, I procrastinate everything that isn't habitual. The negative thinking is so intruding and I cannot stop it sometimes even though it hurts so bad.
I have noticed I am the happiest when I decide to do something out of my routine. It's just hard when you feel so low sometimes to make sure you do that everyday, at times I feel there is no point in continuing to fight it.

I will try to call a doctor, I don't feel comfortable in talking to my doctor about it so I'm going to try find a woman to talk to maybe...

Idiot17 I'm really sorry you feel the same way!! It is truly debilitating and horrible to experience. I wish you the best of luck too!

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hi Jadenmia1

I can understand difficulty in talking about how you really feel. That stuff is very personal and difficult to come out with. One way would be to simply write it out on the computer print it and hand it to the Dr. he would probably give you a referral to a therapist. They do really need to know how you feel so that they can give you the proper medication and treatment
I think many of us have felt we wanted to die at times when depression has been really bad. However, you have your children to think of and their lives would be totally devastated if you did not go on.
I am sorry that therapy did not do much for you. But that could be because the therapist was not really good. CBT is quite good for dealing with social anxiety and depression. And you could Google one of their therapists for the area where you live. There are also. Acceptance and commitment therapists, which are very good and it is the therapy. I use.
I do understand reluctance to use medication especially if it had not worked before. But finding the right medication is very often a matter of trial and error till the right one is identified.
CBT does have self-help literature on managing depression and social anxiety which should be available from the public library health section or from Amazon. As is acceptance and commitment therapy. You can always program yourself to use the skills to control anxiety and depression.
Then there is Nami the organization for the mentally ill. You can Google, and them and phone them and find out what services they have available where you live. They do run peer to peer support groups. Then there is the WRAP program, which is the wellness recovery action plan run be most states. It is an eight week two hour session course enabling people to formulate their own program for staying well. But this and the support groups would enable you to meet up with fellow sufferers, which would make it easier from the point of view of social anxiety. Since we are all in the same boat. I really hope and pray everything does improve for you. Have a really great day. God bless and best wishes from your friend Francis

Dear Jadenmia,

I know it seems overwhelming for now, but I think that just recognizing what's happening in your head is a huge step. It took me forever to figure this out. In those notes, you'll find something called "SNAP CLUB" ( there is a long thread about it here too http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html ). It may seem superficial and silly to you, but I really think that it is profound and can work almost magically as you can see from some of the posts. Just this thing dissolved a life-long depression for me. You start with tiny silly fun decisions that you just make up, but this is so important. The sum of all those small and big decisions is everything, in a way. It is the entire effect that you have on your own life.

- vital

SNAP CLUB

p.s. Maybe find a nice female doctor that you feel comfortable with.

Thankyou Francis for the information! I need to take more action towards getting better, I will be looking up those resources to find something in my area to help and I also would love to read more on how to control my anxiety and depression, so the library is a good start.
Although I feel like I want to die, or that it would be easier.. I would never contemplate doing so. My children are my entire world and I would never leave something like that to scar them. Sometimes I just lock myself in my room at hard times and wish to god I would die so I can stop the constant pain and upset I feel.
I did love my therapist and I was referred by my doctor when I called in tears absolutely desperate for help. Sadly she couldn't see me for more than 6 months as she was in high demand and had to close some of her older cases.
I felt better and relieved after ever session, very hopeful!! But 2 months out of therapy and I feel im back to where I started!
I tried paxil and it sent me absolutely crazy. I couldn't stop shaking and throwing up, I was terrified of my surroundings for the entire time on it and had horrible hallucinations. Plus 2 weeks following stopping the medication, I felt 'not with it' and it has scared me to ever try anything like that again I am on ativan for anxiety but I hate its side effects so much that I don't dare take that anymore either.
One day I will call my doctor.. I'm just stuck in a rut of not doing anything right now and even making a phone call seems out of reach. I don't understand why...

Vital, I have read your notes and I find snap club to be great!! I have tried to practise it since I read and I agree fully that It will help some. Sometimes it's hard to even snap my fingers and tell myself to do something, im lacking major creativity and around taking care of my children it is hard to think of things to do for myself.. I feel like I lost myself a long time ago and I long for some hope and excitement in my life.. Yet I don't know where to start.

Thanks again guys, I really appreciate it

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