[lima01]

my depression comes from making many bad mistakes and blocking out the problems over ten years which financially are horrid . The physical damage from ignoring the property are terrible . I finally tried to face it- water leaks termite damage- awful pictures now in my mind after I forced myself to face it . I feel the only fair thing is that I shouldn't exist but that would reek havoc on the ones I do support financially I 'm trapped . I force my self to work on the problem everyday but it is probably hopeless I can't give up but the pressure on my mind is overwhelming me . I'm on some meds to sleep my appetite is better but some-days are way too much . It is a terrible fight going on in my mind i feel if i do something everyday it helps, the other side wants to end the suffering . In between I fight for time and answers . there aren't any paths that i can find .. But I still look . my psch has not discovered my real problem but I can only go monthly . I can only hope the meds he and I agree on can give me some relief to clear my self destructive urges . I can.t tolerate ssri' they give unbearable side effects . I work on hard physical parts until i hope I can sleep at night .. Nobody really knows what I'm tackling . That would shame me more . my pysch just thinks I am OCD . Talking here my help me in some way unknown to me. Some people are just destined to carry an unbearable load until the end . That's all I can feel .

Lima, welcome to PC. I am glad you came here and posted. We all get depressed when we feel overwhelmed. We all tend to not deal with what we feel we cannot handle. Take a minute and reflect on the positive change you are making. You are going into a new direction and it will work for you. Don't give up. You will benefit by opening up with your T and being honest with the rest of what you are dealing with. If you keep secrets from your T it tends to block what more help you can receive. I know things are hard, but you are not alone and hang in there. Blessings.

[lima01]

Originally Posted by omegalamed

Lima, welcome to PC. I am glad you came here and posted. We all get depressed when we feel overwhelmed. We all tend to not deal with what we feel we cannot handle. Take a minute and reflect on the positive change you are making. You are going into a new direction and it will work for you. Don't give up. You will benefit by opening up with your T and being honest with the rest of what you are dealing with. If you keep secrets from your T it tends to block what more help you can receive. I know things are hard, but you are not alone and hang in there. Blessings.

Thanks I'm upping my meds and hoping to cope and to bring everything out in the open when I can handle it.

[waterknob1234]

Hi Lima, I am thinking of you and praying for you. I understand it is so hard when you have so many responsibilities and pressures.