[jakers59]

I don't feel anything anymore, I hardly cry or get angry like I used to, I've dug myself in such a deep hole and have been suffering for so long that a life other than the awful one I'm living now seems foreign to me. It seems now as if I've gone too far down to come back up, ya know? If life is so miserable, why live it? I'm only 20 years old and I already feel like my life is over, everyone my age is enjoying their social life, going to college, going places, partying, dating, all of this stuff that I've never gotten to experience because of something that isn't my fault. I'm 20 years old never had a girlfriend, never kissed a girl, never been on a date, never had sex, never done anything. It makes me ashamed to even tell that to someone or go out in public and try to socialize, it makes it impossible to get a girlfriend, what am I going to say when she asks about what I've done before? You're a virgin loser who's never talked to anyone? Not to mention I'm a fat piece of s*** which doesn't help, and I can't really exercise because I have sharp, shooting, pains in my back every time I try to exercise. I also have no idea what I want to do with my life, I have a miserable part time job that I can't even function well at because of all the s*** that's happening in my personal life and the fact that I have social anxiety doesnt help when you work retail. My younger brother isn't doing much brother, turned 17 this year and is smoking weed and probably drinking because none of his "friends" or girls he likes like him back, so he uses that to cope with the loneliness and pain. My parents don't know what to do, I've been on like 6 different medications, seen three different therapists, been hospitalized four times in the past three years, they just tell me that it's up to me to change, which I know is true, but how am I supposed to do this without any help? I also have extreme anxiety about doing things wrong at work and hurting someone, I cope with all this pain by eating, watching porn, surfing the internet, and oversleeping, which doesn't complicate anything at all (sarcasm). I have extreme anxiety about my appearance which prevents me from dating and socializing and talking to women I like for fear of them rejecting me for my appearance, which again doesn't complicate anything. I don't know what I truly want or how to tell people what I want, or how to speak the f*** up or assert myself in general. I try to talk to my dad about my problems sometimes, but it's next to useless, he never will consider anyone's viewpoint but his own, and he can never be wrong, I try to tell my therapist what's going on, but my mind just freezes and the words don't come out right or at all. He does cbt, he tells me to refocus on other things when I start feeling down, but there's nothing to really refocus on because I'm either at work or at home, there's nothing much to do outside because of the snowy weather where I live and I have no friends to go do things with or even any social connections to form with people, I keep eating and I fear that I'll get health problems or get so fat that when I lose weight, there will be a bunch of nasty loose skin and that every girl I like will never have sex with me or love me because they're repulsed by that, and that there would be nothing going else that I could do to attract a woman. I also worry that I'll master bate so much that I'll get erectile dysfunction or something and it will be permanent, and I'll never be able to have sex or have a family or raise a son or daughter, so yeah, every time I see people in a relationship or happy together or attractive people, I feel inadequate and a deep pain and sadness inside me along with self hatred, so yeah, that's what's going on in my mind, and I don't see things getting any better and I'm ready to just throw in the towel, I really need some help, I just want someone to listen and understand and help me along the way, but I don't have anyone, can someone please, please, help me?

[vital]

Originally Posted by jakers59

...I really need some help, I just want someone to listen and understand and help me along the way, but I don't have anyone, can someone please, please, help me?

Hi jakers59,

There are lots of good listeners here. You've found a good place.

Here's my best advice for depression:

http://forums.psychcentral.com/4262681-post105.html

http://forums.psychcentral.com/depre...n-escaped.html

- vital

[FaithHopeLove]

Hi!

I am in a similar position as well. Battling depression, obesity, and am just a tiny bit older than you. I missed out on a lot of things too. Please feel free to message if you need to talk. Feel better! Always remember to have faith (easier said than done, I know)

[Fizzyo]