Right now, the holidays are approaching. So this is when the uncomfortable questions come. They are: "what will you be doing this Thanksgiving/Christmas? Do you have family? Do you at least have some friends to spend the holidays with?" This happens at work.

I really do not like being asked those questions. Because I have no one to spend the holidays with. And it's been like that for a good long time. I hate to just lie and say, "I'm going to be with family and friends" when it's not true. I can't lie with a straight face.

When I tell them the truth, they act like they are about to cry. Well, I don't blame them! But I wish that they would have something comforting to say. It would be even better if someone else would be in the same position as I am. It's very annoying when they talk about how much they are looking forward to having a great time with family.

Anyone else feel the same way?

Hi Will, and welcome to PC. Yes, i get the same stupid questions and i use to use the same answers. Now i say, i don't celebrate the holidays and that pretty much lets people know you are not interested and they need to mind their own business. And if they persist change the subject or walk away. I find watching a good movie, buying myself a take out pizza or buying chineese, and doing something fun for me with the quiet is so rewarding. Definetly turn off the radio with the holiday music and put on your own choice of uncommercial meditational music and uplift your spirits. Blessings.

Hi Will. Long time since I've seen you post. I don't know if I can say I feel the same way but I can relate to those questions. My situation is different because I have family. A large family. And friends too that I could spend holidays with. But I choose not to. I just can't. I haven't spent a Christmas w/ family since my mother died and I'd pretty much stopped going to Thanksgiving before that. An explanation for that would be complex but it isn't really necessary.
I do get the questions too and the questions are uncomfortable. I think I understand the motivations for the questions though... people are curious and talkative and they probably care. It's human nature. The questions are still tough to answer. An honest answer would only make the situation more awkward so I give a vague answer or deflection.
I hope you find some rewarding and satisfying way to spend the holidays.

[littleowl2006]

Hi there,

I know that scenario. I have been feeling like a freak ever since because my family situation is screwed up and nothing about the holidays is uplifting for me either. When everyone has the expectation that my life is similar to theirs and the holidays are a fun topic to talk about and I just can't share that, it makes me inbelievably sad, but also angry because of the ignorance. Of course I want to be included, but unless some "healthy fun family" adopts me or I start my own, it's not going to happen.
Maybe holidays are about to get back to what they initially meant or find our own meaning in them. If I want to share my love and compassion for my fellow human beings, I can also offer my time to organisations who care for the not so lucky ones and volunteer. If I want to be social, I can go find others who are in the same situation. Adapt your decisions to you own situation, not to the standard.
Big understanding unconventional-holdays-hug!

You have a couple of options. "I'm not sure yet, what are YOU doing?" "No, I wasn't planning anything" (there is no need to go into further detail). "I thought I might go out"

Now, as for what you DO do? Have you thought of starting a new tradition for yourself? You could in fact go out, even alone.

How comfortable are you with being completely forward as in inviting yourself over somewhere? I've done it and it's easier than I thought it would be. Again, "I don't know but what are YOU doing? Gee that sounds great, what can I bring?" The person is either going to think you are joking which you can laugh along or they will think seriously and say that would be great. Yes, lots of courage but you never know.