[jakers59]

I don't even want to try, it's not worth the rejection and sadness. I'm done, I'll just have to deal with being a virgin loser the rest of my life. Beautiful people have great lives, they get all the attention, all the love, and they're usually the smartest and most talented, life just sucks if you're not physically attractive. I see all these people on dates when I go to the movie and it makes me so depressed and so disgusted with myself that I can't even enjoy the movie. Or anything for that matter, wherever I go, there are beautiful people and I can't enjoy anything. Can't go to concerts, movies, sports games, or anything because I know I'll see all those happy couples. And they all probably have sex every night and sleep together, which makes me that much more disgusted with myself because it will never happen to me. I hate my life, I wish I just had a girlfriend to be with. But that'll never happen, I'm too fat and im a socially awkward, depressed loser who sucks at everything. I weigh 260 lbs and im 6'0". I have some muscle, but I'm fat and have stretch marks all over that are deep and reddish purple colored. I'm also really hairy, it's all over my body, including my back and I have acne scars on my shoulders and chest. My face is decent looking I guess, (maybe, although now that I say that it's probably ugly), but it doesn't matter because of those other things. Even if I did get in shape, I'd still have those nasty stretch marks, acne scars, and hair everywhere, and probably loose, sagging skin too because I'm such a disgusting fatbody. It's impossible for me to get a girlfriend, I'm 20 years old and I've never had a girlfriend, held a girls hand, kissed a girl, texted a girl I like, had sex, gone on a date, nothing. I guess I've gone too far to change at this point.

[xx_tpm-life_xx]

I gaurentee this is not true!! I feel the same way about boys.. But sometimes, girls are hard to read.. I'll admit.. IVe been single for ever.. Sometimes I think being single is better Bc you can do you and talk to whoever, when ever.. I hope that sort of helped. Just don't give up, te right girl will show eventually

[jakers59]

Originally Posted by xx_tpm-life_xx

I gaurentee this is not true!! I feel the same way about boys.. But sometimes, girls are hard to read.. I'll admit.. IVe been single for ever.. Sometimes I think being single is better Bc you can do you and talk to whoever, when ever.. I hope that sort of helped. Just don't give up, te right girl will show eventually

Yeah, it's hard to get out there and talk to people though because I'm really depressed and have no enthusiasm or motivation, it feels like I'm the only one that struggles with this sometimes.

[ChipperMonkey]

I don't think it's too late. Not in the least.

[lima01]

I guess you've never seen Mike and Molly on tv . That"s what it is about not hollywood looks . Character and interests mean more than anything else . Get involved in other interests ,do volunteer work with nursing homes get to know these wise old ones . Learn small talk and you need to talk to older people and you will be amazed at what they have done . You will then see that you can do many things yourself because they have . These are not all pretty people that's shallow anyway . You will learn compassion and social skills while helping others . Find the good people and be like some of them . You have to invest in your self the rest will come to you if you work at it .
Some of them will teach you to be in good humor no matter what .

[emijec]

Hi Jakers,

I'm sorry you feel that way. You're 20 and oh my god so young that you have the next 10 years to figure out what you want, who you are, what your standards are. That's what your 20s are all about. The experiences will come in one way or another. No one is perfect. You might see couples out there, but next time if you're at a coffee shop pay attention for a bit, see their interaction. Yes, you'll have the occasional couple that's so happy it just wants to make you hurl (been there) but sometimes you'll see some really f-ed up people who are just together because they settled, or whatever. And its not all as it seems.

I was with my ex for 7 years and the way you describe yourself is exactly like he looks. If you think you look bad you don't. If you have a good personality it'll take you places. We broke up for different reasons. You're looking at it with a negative lense. I do that too. I'm not drop dead gorgeous but men always think I'm taken because of the way I look. and let me tell you, it doesn't matter how you look, you're gonna be in **** relationships, people will treat you bad. Because at the beginning, yes its all about looks and chemistry but that's 2-4 weeks of dating. Then, it comes down to, who the hell is this person? and that's where personality comes in. Its the glue. I swear it is. I've been dumped (at my age people have some serious baggage like addictions) , I've dumped (no compatibility or getting the gut feeling that I was about to get treated badly), and it always swirls around whether you're compatible, you want the same things. Stuff like that (I'm 33). But it seems, like you don't like your weight and that can be changed. I'm sure you're awesome and I would be willing to bet you are a very caring person, am I right? At the end that's what people want. To be cared and to care for. No one who truly wants a relationship, a long one a serious one where you can say this is the person I want to have kids with, will want to date the super hot looking athlete guy or whatever for a long time. They shouldn't even for the short time, but some women... well that's another story about those women. Those guys are a-holes. They only care about themselves. I dated one, worst person I've ever met. Dated other people too which were so bad, but you know when I look back I always compare them to my ex that I was with for 7 years. He had his self-esteem issues too but he was the most caring person every and we got along great. Sadly, we're in different places now. You also, have to have standards. It does not matter if you feel like you can't find anyone but don't ever let anyone treat you bad just because you don't want to be alone. That's why I've gone through depression twice. I'm in my second round. Because of that and if I had gotten that advice when I was your age I'd be in a totally different place now. Always trust your gut feeling. Because you will be with someone, you will. It's gonna happen. Just don't let anyone take advantage of you, ok?

But, ok, to cut it short. If you're worried about your body, stretch marks. I have them everyone, oh well. when you get older no one even cares! it doesn't matter. in your 20s you scrutinize everything. but in your 30s you're like, ok i have a wrinkle, oh there's a stretch-mark on my leg, my waist, whatever. If that's what is keeping you from getting in shape. Don't! Hit the gym or if you're not ready, run. Get an ipod, put your best tunes on and go for a walk one day. and the next week for a longer walk, and the week after that go for a short run, build up. When you're ready, hit the gym for weights. I go to the 24 hour fitness (not sure where you are) and the guy section which is where all the weights are can be intimidating. There's a weird culture going on their. anyway, whatever. If there is a workout room where they hold classes just take your weights there when the classes aren't being held. There will likely be a cycling room you can use that for cardio and building up your legs. I watched videos on youtube about how to properly holds weights, keep your form, exercises, etc. and I would go on Saturday and Sundays and practice them when a lot of people weren't around. Then during the week I'd hit it hard. and you go in for 30 minutes one week or up to three, then 45, then it just keeps going. Once you get into the routine of exercising its like brushing your teeth you know you have to do it and you will. The hair everywhere your body? yeah, its about confidence. If the girl likes you she wont care. If you feel you need to wax or maintain, manscape do it. Whatever makes YOU feel good. Focus on YOU bits at a time and it will build and you will be ok with your self more and more. That's what I did. When it comes down to it, its about what makes you happy and other stuff will follow.

p.s. sorry if I went on a tangent but I suffered with self esteem issues when I was ... actually all my life and I just feel like my experience may help you so I spit it all out.

[EnglishDave]

Lima and emijec have given Sage advice there, you just have to work - and it is hard - on changing your Mindset.

I had Mental issues throughout my childhood, but the biggest problem when it came to girls when I was a teenager, was that I was short and looked young for my age. No amount of exercise fixes that, and a lack of self-confidence mixed with undiagnosed Anxiety made those years an awkward nightmare.

The cure for me was meeting someone new playing Rugby, who was the Polar Opposite to myself. Outgoing, gregarious, fun loving… Despite our differences we became friends immediately, a female friend of his set me up on a date with her best friend within a week and we hit it off, despite her being 4 inches taller than me. We dated for over 6 months and I was integrated into a whole new Social Group. I still had the same physical flaws (in my mind), but it turns out the ladies cast forgiving eyes over us.

The problems truly start when you stop caring and start treating yourself and others as objects. I fell into this later due to my issues and it is a dangerous game to play, physically and mentally. Always treat yourself kindly and extend that kindness to others you have relationships with, you will reap the rewards.

So, work to change if you feel you need to. Socialise, join Clubs or Interest Groups, it is easier to interact in a group of like-minded individuals. You are only 20, you have plenty of time to plot the course of your life to your own satisfaction.

Dave.

[Septembersrain]

The guy I'm with now was 27 when I took his virginity.

It's never too late.

Besides, the day you find someone, they'll choose you for you. Not for your looks, your wallet, or any other superficial reason.

It'll be for love.

Sent from my iPhone 6s using Tapatalk.

[OneInBillions]

Welcome to the club jakers59. For what it's worth you're definitely not the only one who feels that way. I'm 31 and still a kissless virgin and resigned to being that way for the rest of my life. But then I'm 6'0" and like 400 lbs hah. I'm convinced that some of us are simply not cut out for romance or companionship, no matter what the optimists may say.

That said, I agree with others in this post; it's not too late for you. Just don't give up. That's what I did, about 10 years ago now, and let me tell you it's a VERY lonely existence. Even though it's uncomfortable or awkward, get out there, ask girls out -- eventually you'll find someone as long as you don't give up.

Besides, depression and anxiety can make things seem worse than they really are.

[Steiner of Thule]

You remind me of myself a lot actually. You can change a lot of those factors. For now just focus on yourself and lose some weight as best as you can.

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by EnglishDave

Lima and emijec have given Sage advice there, you just have to work - and it is hard - on changing your Mindset.

I had Mental issues throughout my childhood, but the biggest problem when it came to girls when I was a teenager, was that I was short and looked young for my age. No amount of exercise fixes that, and a lack of self-confidence mixed with undiagnosed Anxiety made those years an awkward nightmare.

The cure for me was meeting someone new playing Rugby, who was the Polar Opposite to myself. Outgoing, gregarious, fun loving… Despite our differences we became friends immediately, a female friend of his set me up on a date with her best friend within a week and we hit it off, despite her being 4 inches taller than me. We dated for over 6 months and I was integrated into a whole new Social Group. I still had the same physical flaws (in my mind), but it turns out the ladies cast forgiving eyes over us.

The problems truly start when you stop caring and start treating yourself and others as objects. I fell into this later due to my issues and it is a dangerous game to play, physically and mentally. Always treat yourself kindly and extend that kindness to others you have relationships with, you will reap the rewards.

So, work to change if you feel you need to. Socialise, join Clubs or Interest Groups, it is easier to interact in a group of like-minded individuals. You are only 20, you have plenty of time to plot the course of your life to your own satisfaction.

Dave.

[EnglishDave]

This Thread has gotten me thinking back, hard for me considering the distance and the memories invoked.

However, at Boarding School we had a miserable, bad tempered, lurching (literally) Giant (over 7 foot) of a History Teacher. Cruelly, we called him Honey Monster and dreaded his all-too-frequent stints as Duty Master in the House. You see, he was mid 30s, single and was saddled with the role more often than married teachers, this did not improve his disposition.

Then, we returned one September to find a startling change. Over the Summer he had met and married his Soulmate, all 5 foot of her! His attitude towards us all lightened and ours to him did the same.

You see, it is never too late, and there is someone for everyone - probably just around the corner, feeling lonely too.

Dave.