[dog enthusiast]

Last night my boyfriend told me that if I self harm again he'll break up with me. He explained that he loves me too much to see me hurt myself and he can't see it happen anymore. He said that he'll "put us on hold" for me to take care of myself, which is kind of him, I know he's saying all this with good intentions but I don't think that losing someone I love is what would be helpful for me. Just hearing that possibility makes me feel like I'm not worth sticking around.

I used to think that I was too messed up (5 mental disorders, which is awesome!!) for anyone to love me and want to be with me, but our relationship kind of made me start thinking differently. But this feels like evidence that no one can be happy with me and that I'll just be alone forever. He said that he wants us to work out but at this point it's pretty likely I'll do something that will put us on hold. And he said "put us on hold" but he also said that he would date other people, that he wouldn't wait around for me and hopes I would do the same, that he knows a lot of guys who would want to date a "beautiful" girl like me.

It really hurts that he says he loves me but evidently he's okay with passing me off to his friends...but it's not like he even thinks that would work out, as he also told me that any other guy would have left me by now. He said we would remain friends, but it still hurts a lot that he would rather leave me than stay with me and give me support as a boyfriend.

I mean, I understand why he wouldn't want to be with me, I understand that I'm not stable or mentally healthy, but the thing is that he isn't so mentally healthy either, and it hasn't been easy for me to support him emotionally when his depression has been really bad. My self harm makes him feel like he's doing something wrong and he doesn't self harm but I feel the same way when he is really depressed and talks about how he has no one.

I love him so much and I would do anything for him and stick with him through anything and he says he loves me but last night when he was talking it seemed like it was so easy for him to leave me and date other people and I just don't understand and it hurts so badly. I appreciate his honesty and I want to be with him and I am going to try my hardest to not self harm but it really, really hurts that I don't evidently mean enough to him. I've given my all and it's still not good enough.

I just don't know what to think when he says he loves me, yet it seems so easy for him to leave me. I don't know what to think. It's all just really painful. It feels like my worst fears of only driving people I love away is being confirmed and it feels horrible. People say depression tells you lies but evidently this "lie" is the truth. But I don't know, I can't think too clearly and really I just needed to vent and maybe see if anyone has a different perspective that I'm not seeing right now.

And for the record, I do have an appointment with someone to discuss changing medication dosage or something in a few weeks and I made an appointment with my therapist, but she's booked until late January. I might go to a session or two of therapy at my college in the meantime because I know I need help.

Hi, yes go to therapy, for as many sessions as you can. Only thing sticking out to me is that you said "i'd do anything for him." I've had those relationships, it doesn't work. You need to put yourself and your health first. I understand you love him, but it seems a bit unbalanced. And you have heard him say, that you will date other people too. If he's willing to let you do that, it just seems wrong. Yet, he may be demanding that you stop self harming because he thinks that it will work, to get you to stop. Someone that loves you sticks with you through things. I hope I'm not making anything worse, I'm not judging you, I've been through a lot and I'm almost 50 and still learning. I hope you'll get more answers. Best wishes.

[EnglishDave]

I agree totally with disparaissant. This is not the behaviour of a supportive boyfriend in an equal, balanced relationship. It seems too easy to throw up an ultimatum leading to probable new partners on both sides, when a supportive boyfriend would be encouraging you to resolve your issues in Therapy, accompanying you if needed.

Frankly, and forgive me for being blunt, I believe this is the start of a pattern of behaviour adopted by someone looking for an excuse for an exit. I may be wrong, but, above all else, protect yourself - do not be left heartbroken.

Dave.

[Fizzyo]

I agree with the other two, it's so hard when you love someone, but if they can't be there for you as much as you would be there for them, you need to ask questions.
I don't say this lightly, you're worth more than that.
On the other hand, he does think you are worth while,and an attractive person inside and out. If you can hold on to that for dear life...
And get whatever therapy and support you can.