[papa369]

I'm 65 yr old married male. I go four or five days and then all I can think about is suicide.. I'm not mad at any one I just feel empty and can't think of a reason to go on. They said keep it short so because I don't have the balls to commit suicide I haven't but I dream and think of it a lot.

[Skeezyks]

Hello papa369: Welcome to PsychCentral! PC is a great place to find support as well as to obtain mental health information. There are many knowledgeable & caring members here. The more you post, & reply to other members' posts, the more you'll gain from the time you spend here.

Well... I'm 67. So I'm right there with ya, papa. (Oh... & by the way, I pray for death every morning in the shower...) Personally I've had allot of mental health related struggles my whole life. So the difficulties I'm experiencing in my "senior" years are just an extension of the ones I've been struggling with my whole life. Perhaps I'm jumping to an incorrect conclusion, but I'm thinking that in your case maybe you're fairly new to the experience of feeling empty with no reason to go on. I wonder if perhaps you have recently retired? It seems like the aging process & moving into retirement can sometimes bring on feelings such as you describe.

Personally, although I am married, I otherwise lead a pretty-much solitary life. It suits me. However, my next door neighbor (who is older than I am) is very active doing a variety of different types of volunteer work. He's up & out the door nearly every morning to one or another of his volunteer gigs. And, although this wouldn't work for me, I admire his determination to make a contribution. It certainly gives him reason to go on. Hopefully, as a result of being here on PC, you will be able to find your reason to go on. I send warm thoughts your way with the hope that it might be so...

[gayleggg]

Papa, I'm sorry you are feeling so low. Living with depression can be hard. I hope that it gets better for you.

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papa369, thanks for posting this. I tried twice once overdosed, another time a gun to my head. Last minute i took the bullets out of the gun. Had the trigger cocked. When we think of the big S, we are mentally beyond ourselves. We are not in the realm of ability to think in reality or perception. We are deranged and out of focus. When you want to do yourself in usually there is something that you feel you cannot do or conquer. When we feel up against the wall, surrender. Put your hands up in the air and call upon God to deliver you. And he will. That saved me. And then work on the repeated negativity you have allowed to fester and grow in your thinking. This must be rooted out. It takes time, effort. But it can be done. Talk to a medical doctor. It can likely be a chemical balance in the brain you lack a mineral or chemical off. Medicines can help. And then talking to a psychiatrist is most helpful. Definetly go this route. I hope it helps. blessings.

[Fuzzybear]