Once again I sit here, it is three a.m. and again I cannot sleep. Words elude me as I try so hard to find what to say. Once again it is dark. Seems we were just here. The day never comes. It is dark and then dark again.

Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it all. One night there are words the next nothing as you try so hard to let go of what lies within. Sitting here with just the light of the computer screen, time seems to stop--just stand still.

The words echoing an emptiness around me. The hum of the computer loud yet reminding me of the sound screen in my T's office. Is that suppose to make me feel safe, I do not believe so.

For silence is all that echoes back in the darkness. Only words in black upon this screen speak in a small voice coming from within. Coming from a place that strains to be heard.

A place so quiet, you can feel the breeze between each letter--each hint of a word. And sitting here I wonder if this says anything? If the letters are really forming words that somehow come together to let someone know we are here.

All it would take is one word, just the right word, that could start an avalanche of what is hidden inside. Sometimes afraid if that one word would come, would we even realize it's existance or are we so afraid that fear itself holds back our ability to let go.

Sitting here, the emptiness feels huge and yet these little black letters continue one by one across the screen. It seems I go back and forth from an I to we and back. Staying ones self is impossible.

My thoughts do not belong to myself but to one of many, but coming from somewhere of one so deep--where the light has never been seen. Words seem to escape through a darkness without warning--the letters just come.

At times overwhelming to this writer who sits here wondering what it is I am even writing. Then it occurs to me, who are we writing for this is addressed to no one yet there is such an urgency to write.

Each moment that passes there is a tugging within of where is our next breath. Breathng has become harder, the deeper we seem to go inside. Soon, it seems it will stop--and words will cease to be.

Stepping into this darkness, swallows you. Your thoughts become less and less and a sense of someone overtakes. Someone from deep inside where time does not exist.

And as you write, words seem to get smaller almost until they are gone. But it is in those words that the truth lies. And in the truth lies the breath that will allow one to come back to themself.

These last several days have been really hard and seem so scary. Time comes and goes without knowledge, and though my world seems to stop, the rest of the world around me continues without.

And I wonder if I am alone except these voices in my head that echo throughout my being. And as I try to listen and find the courage to begin to face what goes so deep, I wonder if someone hears. Sometimes it is what is said between the lines, what I cannot seem to say, that reaches to the very core of me.

But I continue to write and to reach from somewhere inside that cannot reach for themself. And my only hope is that I will keep reaching until somehow the word that will unlock the inside comes.

purplesecrets

[tranquility]

Purple you're doing great! Keeping writing and if you can pinpoint some of the specific thoughts of one of those voices in your head write it down.

I'm glad you were able to do this and I hope you got some sleep.

Tranquility

(((Purple)))), I wish I could be somebody to make it all better.

[Christina86]

((((((((((purplesecrets)))))))))))))))

If I can do anything, or if you want to talk let me know.

Breath of your writing is overwhelming, the deepest place's your are able to go. Keep writing (Purple). You will come out the other side........

keep writing...

[Fuzzybear]

(((((((((((((( purplesecrets )))))))))))))))

Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement. I know you are there and that makes me fight to keep reaching and trying. I appreciate all of you and i know it is because of you I can take the next step.

(((((tranquillity))))) (((((moonkin)))) (((((canders))))
(((((tucker)))) (((((((faverody))))) ((((((Fuzzybear)))))

Love you all. I really do.

purplesecrets

[onyx69000]

jsut read you post and i feel for you and yet at the same time i do understand what you are saying. deep dark depression pulls you in and you feel as if you'll never get out of its grasp. please feel free to talk to me anytime . keep writting you feeling down weather you think they make sense or not because someone else could be right where you are!!!