Being normal again is the only thing I need

A little less than two years ago, it was probably a normal day as usual. I was about three months short from my 18th birthday. Suddenly a "thump!" sound came in my mind. After that I suddenly lost my motivation and my intelligence capital I invested for almost fifteen years. I suddenly lost interest in everything. I lost interest in my hobby and my career. I lost my self-esteem as well. Interestingly, I got to college last year. However, I could only do the basic things such as submitting homework and attending class. Other than that, I'm like a robot. I don't know why this happened. I used to be an intelligent guy who overcame every difficulty I encountered. I had a super flexible mind. I look at my work from the past and I feel like "how did I do this? I don't understand a bit. It's too complicated!". The only thing I feel now is the lust getting back to normal or wait until my span of life runs out. The only thing I am glad is that I am feeling constant pain from this. If not, without noticing, I would have abandon all my hope and dream god give me. Yet, for almost 700 days, the same thing happens everyday. Wake up, eat, wait, sleep. I know I have to change this because in three years, I would graduate and start my career. I need to get that thing back to make my childhood promise true and be able to support my life.

❤️

Reminds me of myself living in a groundhog day type scenario. You know it's unhealthy and want change but instead like you said, you wake up, eat, wait and sleep. I always feel like I have a million things to do without much time and not even knowing what those one million things are. There isn't enough time in this world for me to get done what I don't know what I want to do. UGH!