[Evaluna]

I feel like I don't belong in my own body. My head is constantly arguing with itself about how awful and helpless I feel and then there's another part of me that's trying to argue back telling me to stop being so pathetic.

For the first time I'm starting to believe that I'm better off not being here. I don't think I would actually do anything, I love my daughter too much and I can't bear the thought of her being alone without me. But these feelings are becoming so overwhelming and I don't know how to deal with them.

I really want to call someone and ask them to come and sit with me but I can't. What do I say? Hi, I'm feeling almost suicidal right now what you doing? Want to come round?

I'm rational enough to know I hate this feeling, so why won't it just go away??

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[Fizzyo]

Evaluna,

I'm so sorry you're feeling so terrible at the moment. Thank you for reaching out to us.

I find myself calling myself a wimp far too often, it comes from my parents' attitudes.

You're here, so you must be a survivor and have strength you don't give yourself credit for.

I would suggest phoning your local suicide or support helpline. I don't know where you live, but there are a lot of numbers in the sticky thread at the top of the page. Also if you google suicide helplines, you can find a list of numbers for many different countries. You don't need to be totally suicidal, just in distress.

As a UK resident, I have phoned the Samaritans on many occasions. They are always happy to listen and to be there for you, even if you feel too bad to even speak. They have stayed with me and helped me to stay safe and get through times when without them I could have come to harm.

It really makes a difference, even if they can't come round, and as you don't have to give your name or anything, they can't intervene if you don't want them too.

I urge you, when these thoughts come back, have the number with you (I disguise the name so no one knows what it is) and please, please phone them. If cost is a problem, in some countries they will phone you back.

Be kind to yourself and stay as safe as you can, you are worth it!



Pick up that phone!

[Evaluna]

Fizzyo thank you for your reply. I've never really every thought about that I don't know why. I have heard about it but I always think that if I call them I might just start laughing out of embarrassment and they won't take me seriously. I tend to laugh when I really don't want to. But that's actually given me something to think about and look up the number to have to hand xxx

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[Fizzyo]