[sinking]

I cant take it anymore.

[smartiesparty]

Did you see your T? Did you share your distress ? (I remember you said you'd see your T 2 days ago)

[sinking]

yes, i see her today, but i have lost faith in her and everything else and i only want to stop living. i've already cut, now feel like drinking and crying and stopping talking, getting up of bed. i just want to be dead without being actually dead. so that i dont hurt my mom

[smartiesparty]

Is there anything causing you this huge emotional pain in this moment ? Anything you can point out ? Or is it a sort of generalized anxiety about a situation or life ?

I just read on your profile that your main concern is BPD and I understand how you are feeling, and I am sorry you have to go through this right now.

[sinking]

thanks, nothing triggered it, its just living that is too painful for me. im not made for life

[smartiesparty]

Have you thought of going to a day hospital ? You'd be able to receive intense care but you can return to your home overnight. It doesn't cut you off from your family.

[sinking]

i've thought about that, but what would i do while there? there would be nobody to talk to. so still alone and alone and alone with my thoughts and feelings

[Ocean Swimmer]

I don't know about Italy.
But I think it's time to go into the hospital. They can regulate your Meds or try new Meds you respond to better.
We've been in your place. We understand what you're feeling. It will change. But you have something to do with it. Ok?

[sinking]

Here when you go inpatient, they dont do anything except checking i take the meds. No talk, activities, no sessions. Nothing of nothing. Just alone with myself and i feel worse. Thats why i dont want to go. Day hospital would be the same.

I did go there today to talk but it was useless, we bately spoke at all. All we talked about were the meds. When do i get to talk about me?