[sinking]

I feel so lonely that my heart aches.

Plan B (living) is what im living, but deep inside Plan A (suicide) is what i want for myself.

soon plan A will overcome and win. i cant take it anymore

There is a plan C, you just need to discover it. Think outside the box. Just try.

[sinking]

Life or death, there isnt an inbetween...

Right, but life doesn't have to be in pain. There must be something that can be done. Why do you see life this negatively? Cannot you list three good things in your life? Like education, physical health, family, friends, ... etc? What about your parents, you said they are old and sick, do you think of them and try to help them?

[sinking]

Because in all my life nothing good of what usually happens to people happened to me. job, partner, enjoying life. i've been miserable all my life and im SICK of it. 3 good things? FAMILY (of origin), CATS, PHYSICAL HEALTH. i dont see thing enough to live my own life.

Originally Posted by sinking

Because in all my life nothing good of what usually happens to people happened to me. job, partner, enjoying life. i've been miserable all my life and im SICK of it. 3 good things? FAMILY (of origin), CATS, PHYSICAL HEALTH. i dont see thing enough to live my own life.

See, there are some good things in your life. Family is very important to me. I would do anything to help them, and they would do the same for me. Do you have siblings? and do people have extended family in Italy where you gather on occasions and stand with each others?

[sinking]

Yes, there are good things, but they are not enough to make me want to live for my own. i have a brother not living with us anymore and no one else in family, just my parents.
i wanna die

They would be enough for me. I wish my family is around me. I want to take care of them because they are old, and I have been far away from them for a very long time. How is your relationship with your brother?

[sinking]

We never clicked but we do love each other. I dont want to see others going on with their lives (and my parents die) and me stuck here in this hell

Exactly, you need to get your life together before getting completely alone. Try to make some steps. It is hard but there are harder choices. Please do something positive to get out of your hell. I feel your pain, though.

[sinking]

I dont want to change it its impossible for me. I wanna die

Believe me I understand how hard it is to change, but you need to stop thinking you cannot change. These thoughts are self-fulfilling prophecy. They perpetuate your depression.

[sinking]

i know you are right. thanks. i just dont want to. dying seems a lot easier

I believe you are curable. It is just one step away. Are you religious, or at least an observant believer?

[sinking]

no and i dont consider myself curable