[Erablez]

I'm sorry, I am about to rant.
Ever since my dad died of cancer almost 4 months ago, I've had this.. emptiness you could call it. I didn't try to commit suicide, but often times, I felt like I was close. Anyway.. since then(was also around the same time I started getting into drugs), I've been partying wildly, with all sorts of drugs mainly molly and amphetamine.. I met this guy who inspired me somehow, he touched something in me and ever since then, and for the past 3 months, I've been actually feeling happy most of the time.. I've got more confident, I actually speak up.. using MDMA for the first time in a way opened my eyes.. I always judged people in my head but that first night, all people were beautiful. Everything was perfect the way it was. Realizing this, I automatically found myself changing with days instead of trying to change everyone around me instead. I became more hyper, happier, more active. I met a lot of great people.. until last Saturday night. 2 weeks ago, I met this couple.(forgot to mention, I've been on this no sex/no masturbation/no obsessing over people therapy. And it's been surprisingly working well, my health and weight have even been slightly improving.) we didn't get a chance to get to know each other too much but we met again last Saturday, and one of them has been very open and accepting of me, and while I really liked him, the thought didn't even cross my mind that I'm falling for him.. but I was.. I realized it when I found myself looking every 5 minutes to see if he's online or not.. and keeping an eye on his fb updates..
He is.. different from anyone I've ever met. I feel this eruption of honesty from him.. I am 100% confident and myself with him since we met(It always takes me at least a few meetings and I never even reached this level of confidence with anyone before) but there is one thing I don't understand.. at times, I felt like he was making a move on me, but I watched him on other nights as well, he's never touched or talked to other guys the way he does with me.. and he said how much he likes me, and I felt it genuinely.. all good, right? Well, I dunno, last Saturday was great but around 9 AM, he started acting a little distant.. and I feel like he's been a bit distant when we chatted as well. I don't know why but I am losing my mind.. I can't stop thinking about him.. I know this all sounds like a teenager's crush but I dunno, I've never felt this way, and I was doing so well too, I swear to ****ing God, I never had the intention to like him this way, it just.. happened and I only realized days later. And the thing is, I really really love those 2 guys, I wish them all the happiness they can get, but there's also another story that I won't type cause it's too long.
This was basically just a way to let out what I was bottling up.. it's just I'm so happy, but I feel so sad at the same time.. not depressed, just sad.
I would appreciate any suggestions/comments on the matter.

[elevatedsoul]

its a roller coaster..... hold on tight....

[Skeezyks]

Hello Erablez: My condolences on the death of your dad. Thank you for sharing your recent experience. Emotions can be such difficult things to manage! We never know what may be going on in another person's mind, or what may be occurring outside of the periods of time during which we are with another person. It's possible that this was a relationship that was never going to go anywhere to begin with. Or possibly this guy had second thoughts... or was pulled up short by someone else who was concerned that something might be brewing. Perhaps all you can do is to wait & see what happens. Under any circumstances, I send you my best wishes...