[Onward2wards]

We probably all know by now that fears from the past can hold us back in the present. Cognitive Behavioral Therapy may appeal to our rational mind, allowing us to theorize that a specific set of thoughts and behaviors are self-limiting, but we also have the weight of the experiences we actually had which caused these fears in the first place, and the emotional associations with that type of event.

The only way I can think of to finally put our learned fears to rest is this process:
1. Recognize that the fear is based on our own limited experience, therefore a more optimistic outlook might be warranted;
2. Have new real world experiences that are better than the original ones, so that we develop more confidence and new emotional associations with a particular set of events.

Step 2 is where I see myself and others getting stuck. You have to develop a sort of "simulated hope" perhaps using rational thinking as well as creative visualization ("seeing the success we desire" so to speak), and then repeatedly engage in new patterns of thought and behavior until you gather a "critical mass" of more naturally optimism inducing experiences. The mind can't just throw away what it has already learned, it can only "overwrite" old data with new data, much as a computer hard drive does.

I have huge problems with the old data driving behaviors and thought patterns automatically, like Pavlov's dog drooling when the supper bell rings. It is extremely annoying and erodes my level of confidence in the process. Does anyone know how to "fake it till you make it" when catastrophizing, globalizing, immediate psychological reactions and avoidance type behaviors etc. crop up for me like daisies in springtime? My autopilot is just TOO good.

This is really wearing me down, KNOWING that there are better possibilities but SEEING myself engage in the same tired old routine so I experience even more things that reinforce the old fears! Some level of my mind just doesn't "get it".

[Skeezyks]

Hello Onward2wards: Yes, I think this is an excellent assessment of our dilemma. It certainly fits in well with my own experience. Personally, I simply strive to accept things as they are now. I'm old enough, at this point, that trying to create a different life for myself in the future is no longer of significance. But I wish you well in your realize better possibilities in your future...

[newday2020]

I've found some answers on whywesuffer.com

There's alot of free stuff to read. I've ordered a book.

Take a look if you like.

[Fizzyo]

Have you heard of Compasionate Mind?

Compassionate Mind Foundation

Paul Gilbert is a psychologist who noticed that CBT has less impact for some people. He believes that this is because we haven't developed well the self soothing part of the mind, so while CBT gives intellectual reassurance, if this part of our mind is not working so well it's hard to feel the reassurance. The exercises are based on mindfulness, but are designed specifically to grow the soothing connections we didn't grow when young. They have functionalMRI scan evidence, that it is possible to develop these aspects, even as adults. You can download some of the exercises and theory free of charge I believe.

It's not a miracle, but just maybe....

Best of luck and warm hugs.