I just need to express my feelings

There is no one in the world I could tell this to, no one cares about me. I don't even know where to begin to be honest, I am so horribly depressed from being alone I just cry thinking about it. My only friend I had is engaged now and doesn't care about me at all anymore. My phone just sits for days without getting a message and I am so tired of it, I am 21 in college I should be able to go out and have some fun. Instead I sit on my *** at home every night and dwell on how much I hate my life. I've lost interest in everything I used to love. I have a pretty bad *** Jeep I built with all my free time and used to take it out all the time, now it just sits because the thought of taking it out doesn't interest me anymore. I really have no motivation for anything anymore.

I don't even know what I do wrong, because I talk to people and make them laugh. I guess most people would never know I feel like total **** inside. I hide behind a smile all day at work just to make it through the day but deep down I just want to scream. I know when I go home that night I am just going to sit on my room and tell strangers about how much my life sucks.

I am so in love with my friend, she just makes me so damn happy being around her, but she doesn't like me. I try to pursue other girls but they just break my heart, this one recently was talking to me and everything looked great when all of a sudden she has a boyfriend and was playing me the whole time.

I don't even know why I'm posting this. Maybe I just need to tell someone. Damn, I really just need a quality person in my life who can make me feel like life is worth living in this lonely *** place we call earth. It just frustrates me how there are millions of people around yet not a single one can be there for me. I don't do so well with being alone anymore, It's just been to many years of it. To supplement this I've tried working a ton and buying all kinds of cool stuff but these things just bring merely temporary excitement. I'm at the point I would trade all the luxuries I have for a person I can experience life with. I want to do some fun, crazy stuff so when I look back on my life there is less regret and I can think about how great it was.

I tried really hard to write how I feel and I feel like I don't even know what to say, yet I have these thoughts consuming my head 24/7. I hope it makes sense because I feel like I just rambled a lot..

Welcome to the forum, Jman. I hope you find some comfort here. It helps to know that you are not alone, that many of us are where you are, feeling a little lost and alone. I'm sure you will find someone to share your life with. Don't give up hope. Keep posting and let us know how things are going.

Thanks guys, I have been feeling a lot better the past few days despite not much changing, definitely at a low when I wrote this.

I had a good day with my friend, we have been talking more lately which is cool. ( the one I am seriously head over heels in love with) I really wish I could just tell her how I really feel.

Feeling like crap again and I have no idea why.. Why does this happen to me.

Solo ride until I die...

I wish I was 21 again (I'm 50ish). I've spent decades living a lie, putting on a happy face etc. My advice to you is to not give up and work real hard at healing (I know, easier said than done). Do you have a therapist?

I think posting your feeling here at PC is a great start to healing. Read about other folks struggles and post when you can - it makes me feel better and that like I have some purpose on this planet...

Hang in there

Thank you for sharing. Hope you feel better. Let us know how you are doing

No I don't have a therapist, I think I keep trying to deny that I really have a problem. That and I'm kinda scared of the fact that if I start seeing a therapist and potentially go on meds it may potentially screw up my future career (law enforcement) Maybe I'm being dumb here idk.

I try every day to feel better and it's hard though it might work some days, hence maybe why I haven't been active on here much because I met a girl and things were going great which made me happyish. Well today she started ignoring me and I feel like **** again. I don't even know if I have depression or it is just situational but it sure as hell feels horrible whatever it is.

Maybe meeting with a therapist would help determine whether your depression is situational or something more chronic. I'm not sure if taking meds would affect a career in law enforcement - that sounds a bit tricky. Wishing you the best!