Know what sucks the most about depression?

It dulls the happy times and makes the crap times hurt more.

It's SO annoying! I got engaged and I AM happy, but it's dulled by the depression. I am just blah. I love my fiance. He's the first guy who wasn't abusive to me.

And of course when something goes wrong, then the depression makes it feel ten times worse.

So irritating!

Congrats on your engagement, Calico!

I'm sorry I don't have anything to say to help you feel better. I agree, depression can be cruel. Try to enjoy your engagement as much as possible.

I agree.

For me:

1) Primary symptom-loss of ability to enjoy. I'm not in the midst of anything enjoyable but I look back at things that I used to enjoy and I no longer find any pleasure, laughter, or joy in those things. For me when I think of those things it is like watching an old movie, I can see myself laughing and I know I was there because I can see myself in the film but I can not remember being there or what it felt like to be there and it just seems odd/off.

2) Isolation. For me this feels like an involuntary form of self-harm. I pull away from people then get angry that they aren't around. When I try to end this cycle by talking to someone, my depression won't let me.

Congratulations on your engagement. Try to remain focused on the fact that it is the depression that is keeping you from full appreciation of this event and any moments of joy that shine through you should write them down so that you can reference them when your depression hides those moments from you.

Hope your fiance has some understanding of this too so that he is able to offer some support and friendship.

Congratulations!!!!

And I am feeling the exact same way right now. Things are good right now and I have every single reason to be as happy as hell, but no. It's dulled and just utterly irritating just like you said.

But I am happy you found someone who loves you and chose YOU to be their partner for life. I don't think there can be a greater compliment to your existence than that.

i feel that way when it comes to gifts.

i really want something, and when i finally get it, i'm less than pleased- i'm pleased, of course. but of course the depression makes it worse

last year someone got me a new serrio because my old one broke (or rather it worked, it wouldn't play the cds properly) and i just said... yeah, cool. and the person who got me it was like- so i thought you wanted it?. i thought you'd be happy

i honestly wanted to punch them. i was happy, but it was so hard to show it

when people don't understand like that i really want to throttle them.

He does understand because he has a bit of depression too, but not as severe as mine.

Yes! It's the not enjoying stuff thing that sucks too.

And I tend to isolate as well.

congratulations, i wish you and him a long future together...

Someone loves you. Hang onto that.

I hear you there! It's very much the same for me, too. If I'm having a mediocre time, then my mind would go like a windmill thinking of bad things that can happen. A good thing would make me feel pretty good, but the good feeling wouldn't last very long.

What's weird is that when I'm out with a friend having a good time, I would want to rush home because I feel like there's bad news waiting for me there. I would think I'd hear it by voicemail or by a phone call. But it would never happen!

Thank you for your thread and for all the answers. We are definitely not alone in this.
And one of the worst things is trying to fake that hapiness that you should feel and not be able to do it, look even more fake, and feeling a fraud inside.

Yes! I do this, too!

Some of my depression has corresponded with times of great positivity. I get angry and more depressed at myself because I ought to be happy yet feel so terrible. Then I feel guilt and shame which only feeds the deprression more.

The last bout I had some serious therapy and an adjustment of medication to kickstart an improvement.

I keep a mood log about my autmatic thoughts and feelings and a corresponding list of the negative cognitive thinking types that are the barriers. Eventually I was able to formulate alternative thinking strategies. Works well for Anxiety too.

https://www.google.ca/url?sa=t&sourc...WgIzNNXe-Caabg

Yes I hear you too.

I dont know what the solution is yet though.

Still working on that, but I wanted you to know that you arent alone

I can relate to that. I do the same thing.