[ExhaustedMom]

Hi everyone

I'm the mother of 2 girls, 16 and 12. My 16 year old hasn't gone to school all year due to a severe depressive disorder and an anxiety disorder.

Personally, I suffered from a severe depression many years ago and had recovered about 3 years ago. Unfortunately, with dealing with my daughter this last year, my depression has returned. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. Seeing her in pain all the time breaks my heart. Not being able to solve her problems is very hard.

I've learned to accept that she's unable to go to school right now and we've been working with professionals and the school to get her into a special program to help her. I've done everything I can to help her but I still feel helpless and exhausted all the time.

I think the hardest is the fatigue I feel. It makes me feel worse and makes me stress even more since I'm terrified of being so tired that I won't be able to work anymore like the first time I got depression. I was off work for 2 years and then worked part-time for 2 years before working full-time.

I have good days and bad days. When I get bad days, I have to take time off from work and it can take me 2 to 3 days to recover.

I want to help my daughter but at the same time, it's destroying me. And it's not like I can send her to her dad's house for a few days (I'm divorced), she won't go. She's not comfortable there. (Dad's live-in girlfriend ignored her all the time so she doesn't feel at home there. And to top that, he gave her bedroom to the girlfriend's daughter since my kids don't live with him full time.)

So anyhow, I'm doing what I can but giving when your tank is empty is hard.

Thanks for listening!

An Exhausted Mom

[basicgoodness]

I have a 19-year old daughter who suffers from depression and anxiety, so I know how difficult it is to see your child suffer. I also experience depression. Lately, I have been trying to re-establish a relationship with my daughter by opening up just a little about what I have been experiencing and encouraging her to share her own feelings with me. We have become something of a support to each other, although I have to be careful not to depend on her. She should not be supporting her father, it should be the other way around.

Anyway, I feel for you. Please take time to care for yourself. You can't be of much use to your daughter if you are completely depleted and burned out. Hopefully, you will be able to get your daughter the help she needs. You can't do it all.

Originally Posted by ExhaustedMom

Hi everyone

I'm the mother of 2 girls, 16 and 12. My 16 year old hasn't gone to school all year due to a severe depressive disorder and an anxiety disorder.

Personally, I suffered from a severe depression many years ago and had recovered about 3 years ago. Unfortunately, with dealing with my daughter this last year, my depression has returned. I have never felt so helpless in my entire life. Seeing her in pain all the time breaks my heart. Not being able to solve her problems is very hard.

I've learned to accept that she's unable to go to school right now and we've been working with professionals and the school to get her into a special program to help her. I've done everything I can to help her but I still feel helpless and exhausted all the time.

I think the hardest is the fatigue I feel. It makes me feel worse and makes me stress even more since I'm terrified of being so tired that I won't be able to work anymore like the first time I got depression. I was off work for 2 years and then worked part-time for 2 years before working full-time.

I have good days and bad days. When I get bad days, I have to take time off from work and it can take me 2 to 3 days to recover.

I want to help my daughter but at the same time, it's destroying me. And it's not like I can send her to her dad's house for a few days (I'm divorced), she won't go. She's not comfortable there. (Dad's live-in girlfriend ignored her all the time so she doesn't feel at home there. And to top that, he gave her bedroom to the girlfriend's daughter since my kids don't live with him full time.)

So anyhow, I'm doing what I can but giving when your tank is empty is hard.

Thanks for listening!

An Exhausted Mom

welcome to the forum... hope this helps you

(((((hugs))))))))

Keep in mind this is no failure on your part.

Is there anyway to gets some respite for yourself? Can you call upon any friends or family members to step in for a night or two to give you a break?

Sounds like you are doing what you can - and a good job - at caring for your daughter's needs. Just don't forget your own. They I believe are equally important. Ensure you are doing some self care. I've had some success with self help books - especially ones that are CBT.

Originally Posted by ExhaustedMom

...I've done everything I can to help her but I still feel helpless and exhausted all the time....I want to help my daughter but at the same time, it's destroying me. ...So anyhow, I'm doing what I can but giving when your tank is empty is hard.

Thanks for listening!

Hi! You haven't checked in for a while. Your story really touched me. I'm hoping you are hanging in there.

[ExhaustedMom]

I'm still hanging in there!

Not long after I posted, my daughter decided to tell me after her appointment with her psychiatrist that she felt she was parenting herself. That I wasn't parenting her. She said "You don't feed me!" I couldn't believe it. I asked her "What am I supposed to do? Force food down your throat? You won't eat anything I make for dinner." She couldn't tell me what it was that I wasn't doing to "parent her". I was so angry and hurt. It took me a day until I could actually validate her feelings. I didn't validate what she said but I did validate how she felt. And doing that takes a lot of energy (which I didn't exactly have).

Anyhow, the days went by and finally I had a few good days. I actually felt happy last week. Lots of Nature Walks. Makes me feel better to see and hear all those birds.

My daughter actually spent last weekend with her dad and enjoyed it. His girlfriend moved out. I was shocked but relieved at the same time. Just thinking that I'm finally going to have a break feels good. Can't wait till next weekend. Both my kids will be with him. I will have only me to take care of. :-) (Well, as long as she doesn't decide she doesn't want to go! Keeping my fingers crossed!)

Take care everyone and thank you so much for your support.