[lostinspace64]

I am wondering if anyone else has dealt with this.

Nearly 2 years ago I suddenly lost my only sibling. (This was one of many losses I had suffered over a 6 year period, but that's for another thread)

Shortly after the memorial service I received a photo album from his widow, many of the pictures also included me...and in almost all of them I am not smiling, or am clearly forcing it.

I thought that odd...my brother and I always got along well...so I started looking at other pictures of me from my childhood and in most of those, same thing.

And it continued on through to when I was diagnosed with depression 13 years ago. No smiling. In fact most of the events that should give a person joy in life...high school and college graduation, marriage (also lost wife suddenly), birth of children...gave me none.

Don't get me wrong, I am proud of the young women my daughters have become but was I doomed from birth to never experience joy and happiness?

from the earliest time i can remember, i knew their was something wrong- i could never think of a time in my life (still can't), when i felt normal and happy.

but it never dawned on nme i could be born with it

took a few years for people to accept i needed help

[tallulahxoxo]

I feel you can be born with it yes and I'm sorry you're suffering. ):

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[IrisBloom]

I think it may be possible to be born with a tendency towards depression, but more likely early childhood experiences causes one to become depressed. It can definitely start in infancy. I also noticed I am rarely smiling in childhood pictures, from baby to teens.

[Fuzzybear]

[*Laurie*]

I believe I was born depressed and anxious.

[Hope 51]

I'm not sure, but I believe some are born with a disposition toward developing depression.
In my case MI is on my mom's side. So, there's likely a genetic component also. If you add environmental factors to the equation it's a recipe for acquiring depression IMHO.

I look at old pictures and interestingly from 0-5 I look happy and am smiling a lot. Not sure, but I strongly suspect that when my little baby bro came along my probs with depression began. My mom has shared with me in confidence how she was not expecting to get pregnant again after having 3 kids. But, much to her surprise she became pregnant during her cycle. Number 4 came along and it became emotionally & physically overwhelming for her to care all of us. I went from 'the baby' to a middle child with an emotionally unstable mom. It makes sense to me and pictures from my childhood support my theory.