[StillIntending]

I'll wake up feeling fine. I'll breathe a sigh of relief that finally, I can have a day to get things done without the fog of depression. I'll start in on a long to do list, cheerfully crossing items off.

And at any seemingly random point at all, be it one hour or five after I've started, I'll go dead inside. That sounds melodramatic but that's exactly what it feels like. I'll suddenly just start staring at blank walls, lost in thought and unable to move. Sometimes, breathing becomes more difficult. I try to take a break or focus on smaller things, and sometimes that breaks me out of it, but sometimes not. Sometimes that's just the end of my workday and I spend the rest trying to bring myself back down to earth.

Needless to say, such times are not good for my productivity levels. They aren't great on my psyche, either.

Has anyone else experienced this? Has anyone else found a way around it? At the very least, has anyone else learned how to balance it with a "normal" workload?

[dexter]

Mine isn't random and doesn't sound quite the same in that sense... But everyday I wake up full of ambition and with a plan, I do over it while I am showering full of enthusiasm, usually short tasks that I can complete easily so that I don't get overwhelmed.

Then every day as soon as I am dressed all ambition fades and I just want to climb into bed again.

Usually I do, and end up getting nothing done.

[avlady]

sounds like me too i do relate.

[guiltier65]

I'm right there with you. I just keep pushing as best I can and try to applaud myself for the things I did get done, instead of beating myself up for the many things I didn't get done! ( this looks good in print, but I usually spend more time beating myself than I care to admit)

[StillIntending]

Originally Posted by guiltier65

I'm right there with you. I just keep pushing as best I can and try to applaud myself for the things I did get done, instead of beating myself up for the many things I didn't get done! ( this looks good in print, but I usually spend more time beating myself than I care to admit)

I get it... that's pretty much me, too. I guess that's really all that can be done. It angers me though, that for seemingly no reason at all my depression can just completely drain me for such long periods of time. I suppose the only solution is to value and use the times we do have, and not berate ourselves for the times we spend curled in the fetal position trying to breathe. If I ever notice it coming on before it really hits me hard, I try to go off and do something productive that doesn't take much willpower. So, switching from a school subject I hate to piano practice, or things like that. Sometimes that helps. Sometimes once it's really set in I can still muster the strength to do one or two really small things one at a time. That's when I switch to things like hanging up the shirt I wore yesterday, or taking out the bathroom trash. At least then I'm still doing something.

I just wish I didn't have to deal with it at all, really. But. That is not to be, it would seem.

[Frankbtl]

Hi StillIntending,

When depression hits, it shouldn't really be about seeing it as a failing that you can't balance it with a "normal" workload.........sometimes that just ain't going to happen regardless.........but much more about seeing it as a time you should be giving yourself more compassion............it's not you at fault, it's the depression you're feeling, the depression you aren't choosing to feel, it's just there, there weighing heavy, right??!!

But having said that, it does sound like you're taking some excellent steps in doing as much as you can, when you can...........spotting when you're starting to feel it so you can plan ahead, reducing your "lists", giving yourself breaks, simplifying the things you're setting yourself, shuffling up/changing tasks so you're able to do more (and more "satisfying"/accomplishing things), setting yourself goals............

And absolutely take pride in those things you accomplish.........if things are real hard..........then "even" hanging a shirt can be seen as a major accomplishment.........and that StillIntending can be much more than "just" "still doing something", it can be a major accomplishment!!

Alison

[StillIntending]

Originally Posted by Frankbtl

Hi StillIntending,

When depression hits, it shouldn't really be about seeing it as a failing that you can't balance it with a "normal" workload.........sometimes that just ain't going to happen regardless.........but much more about seeing it as a time you should be giving yourself more compassion............it's not you at fault, it's the depression you're feeling, the depression you aren't choosing to feel, it's just there, there weighing heavy, right??!!

But having said that, it does sound like you're taking some excellent steps in doing as much as you can, when you can...........spotting when you're starting to feel it so you can plan ahead, reducing your "lists", giving yourself breaks, simplifying the things you're setting yourself, shuffling up/changing tasks so you're able to do more (and more "satisfying"/accomplishing things), setting yourself goals............

And absolutely take pride in those things you accomplish.........if things are real hard..........then "even" hanging a shirt can be seen as a major accomplishment.........and that StillIntending can be much more than "just" "still doing something", it can be a major accomplishment!!

Alison

Thanks. I do try to see it that way, but in a world where depression isn't actually seen as a part-time (or sometimes full-time) job, I still have so much to do. The people and deadlines around me don't care that I'm too busy being depressed—the deadlines just demand to be met.

[Frankbtl]

Depression is a reality as well StillIntending, and those deadlines don't make it any less real
So you really are doing great trying to do all you can do...........just sometimes some things can be impossible........deadlines or not.......right?? And that's NOT for lack of trying
And even if "the outside world" doesn't recognise your trying/your achievements at times, YOU make sure you see them
And we'll recognise them with you

Alison