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  #1  
Old May 06, 2016, 07:52 PM
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StillIntending StillIntending is offline
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Posts: 232
Hey I can feel a wave of suicidal thoughts coming on and it's going to get a lot worse in the next few hours. I'm basically certain I'm not going to actually act on any of it (I have some pretty compelling reasons not to kill myself, all of them other people who would blame themselves/be sad if I died), but it's going to suck a lot even still. I live with my parents and siblings and sleep in the same room as my sister but even so I'll be alone tonight with no friends available to text or anything so. Idk. Sympathy I guess would be nice. I'm preemptively reaching out, although only by a few hours. I may try 7 cups of tea again. Idk.

Once again, disclaimer, I'm not going to end up dead tonight. I'm just going to wish I could. And who knows, maybe I'll end up cutting for the first time in a month. Could happen.

Look basically I'm about to graduate high school and I'm moving out of state to college in August and my life feels like it's falling apart and I don't think I'll be able to keep up either now or after I start college. That's the basics of this I guess.
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"Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." -CS Lewis, the Screwtape Letters

Teen with (probably severe) depression
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  #2  
Old May 06, 2016, 08:11 PM
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Skeezyks Skeezyks is offline
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Hello StillIntending: The Skeezyks sends healing thoughts your way with the hope that you will be able to find deep peace within...
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"I may be older but I am not wise / I'm still a child's grown-up disguise / and I never can tell you what you want to know / You will find out as you go." (from: "A Nightengale's Lullaby" - Julie Last)
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StillIntending
  #3  
Old May 06, 2016, 08:25 PM
basicgoodness basicgoodness is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2014
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I hope tonight isn't as bad as you are anticipating. Hang in there.
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StillIntending
  #4  
Old May 06, 2016, 08:40 PM
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StillIntending StillIntending is offline
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Member Since: Jun 2015
Location: United States
Posts: 232
I took Valerian Root to mitigate the effect, hopefully. I haven't taken it often enough to know if it really works for me or not but I figured it probably wouldn't hurt and may even help.
__________________
"Do not be deceived, Wormwood. Our cause is never more in danger than when a human, no longer desiring, but still intending, to do our Enemy's will, looks round upon a universe from which every trace of Him seems to have vanished, and asks why he has been forsaken, and still obeys." -CS Lewis, the Screwtape Letters

Teen with (probably severe) depression
  #5  
Old May 06, 2016, 11:33 PM
Anonymous37786
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Quote:
Originally Posted by StillIntending View Post
Hey I can feel a wave of suicidal thoughts coming on and it's going to get a lot worse in the next few hours. I'm basically certain I'm not going to actually act on any of it (I have some pretty compelling reasons not to kill myself, all of them other people who would blame themselves/be sad if I died), but it's going to suck a lot even still. I live with my parents and siblings and sleep in the same room as my sister but even so I'll be alone tonight with no friends available to text or anything so. Idk. Sympathy I guess would be nice. I'm preemptively reaching out, although only by a few hours. I may try 7 cups of tea again. Idk.

Once again, disclaimer, I'm not going to end up dead tonight. I'm just going to wish I could. And who knows, maybe I'll end up cutting for the first time in a month. Could happen.

Look basically I'm about to graduate high school and I'm moving out of state to college in August and my life feels like it's falling apart and I don't think I'll be able to keep up either now or after I start college. That's the basics of this I guess.

I feel you. This constant ordeal is wearing.
Hugs from:
StillIntending
Thanks for this!
StillIntending
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