[skysblue]

Out of the blue last night I got hit with depression. I had been doing so well. I quit my anti-depressants last year successfully. I got involved with a variety of volunteer activities. I was making healthy changes in my life. I was hopeful about the future. There is nothing to complain about.

But I'm sensitive to people's moods and actions. I'm too sensitive. And now it all feels like too much to cope with. This morning I quit 2 of my volunteer positions.

I'll be seeing my therapist on Tuesday but for right now I don't care about getting better emotionally. I'm depressed and I just want to stay away from people and isolate myself. I don't want to do anything that has helped in the past. For some reason, I guess I just want to wallow in my misery.

The trick is to not let anyone know how I'm feeling. I don't want anyone to try to help. I don't want their good intentions. So, I'll try hard to put on the act so they don't bother me with any 'help'.

So strange how it came 'out of the blue'.

[dexter]

Mine cropped up suddenly too skyblue after a long period of wellness. Can you call your therapist now instead of waiting for Tuesday? Just to get things moving quickly? I understand the isolation and not wanting anyone to know or help but make sure youare honest with your therapist so that he or she can help you past these feelings of not wanting to get well which are, of course, part of the depression. You conquered it before and you can conquer it again.

[skysblue]

Originally Posted by dexter

Mine cropped up suddenly too skyblue after a long period of wellness. Can you call your therapist now instead of waiting for Tuesday? Just to get things moving quickly? I understand the isolation and not wanting anyone to know or help but make sure youare honest with your therapist so that he or she can help you past these feelings of not wanting to get well which are, of course, part of the depression. You conquered it before and you can conquer it again.

Yes, I've emailed her and texted her. She knows. But I don't expect us to have a conversation before Tuesday. Thank you. But this time I don't feel like conquering it. It feels real and most of my life has felt fake.

What are you doing for yourself?

[dexter]

Everything that "feels real" during depression likely isn't, it's the way our brain tricks us into negativity and harm.

I had a very very difficult time. When my symptoms returned I sought help immediately but had great difficulty finding a therapist and was reluctant to start on meds before therapy was in place.

After some time I found a partial hospital program to enroll in. Like you I was hopeless and reluctant to seek help however I was in extreme emotional pain and the only alternative was suicide. Based on my previous experience with depression, although I had not hope, I wanted to try everything I could before suicide.

I didn't think the partial hospital program would help. But it did. And I am on an antidepressant too. After several weeks in the program I think I am starting to feel ready to go back to work and maybe take back my life again.

"...and maybe take back my life again." It feels really good typing that. Just a few weeks ago it would have felt completely empty.

Please hang on to hope, or faith that there can be hope again, skyblue. If you need to, try a support group or keep posting here until you can see your therapist. Good luck.

[Clara22]

[Fuzzybear]