[TristeDominicana]

As a depression sufferer, I have been having a hard time with the fact that I am always feeling so lonely. I am home every day with my husband and children. I try to hang out with my friends, but I don't have any. My husband has made sure of that. All my friends I have stopped calling me because he never allows me to go anywhere. His words to me are “You’re a grown woman, you can do whatever you want. Just remember, I don’t want to hear it when I do it too.” In other words, I can go out, he will go out. Ok, that doesn’t bother me. Except, he has told me that he doesn’t trust me and believes that I am cheating. If I try to prove that I am going out with female friends and he can ask them about it, he says he won’t talk to anyone because he believes that they are covering for me so I can cheat. My friends won’t do that, and I am not cheating. So now they decide that it is just easier to not talk to anyone anymore. I am starting to realize that, even though he is not physically abusive, he is mentally and emotionally abusive. He is also a liar and a cheater.
I was talking to my mother today. I told her how I was feeling. I know I need to leave my husband; however, I do not have the means to survive on my own. Not to mention. I have never lived alone. I will lose my children. I can’t bear the thought of losing them. My mother agrees with both, the idea that what I am going through is unnecessary, and that I cannot survive on my own. She says that there is nothing that I can do about it. Just deal with it. I would rather be dead than continue to live like this. What have I done to deserve this? Is there any other way out?

[nomdeplume83]

When you say you can't survive on your own, why is that? Do you have an education? Can you move in with your mom until you're on your feet? Courts usually side with the mom so why do you think you'll lose them?

Triste, first of all i feel for you. No, you do not deserve to live like this. Your husband reminds me an awful lot of my Dad is now deceased. He was a very mean man, controlling and manipulative. You did what you were told or else. My mother filed twice for a divorce but both times stayed with him. She suffered greatly for it emotionally, yet when Dad had 5 heart attacks he changed. I am not wishing that on anyone truly, but sometimes things have a way of coming around. My mom prayed one night and asked God to help her and make things real. She shared with me that the room lit up with a bright light and a peace flooded her heart. She had an epiphany and it changed her whole life and demeanor. She was a saint to raise eight kids, a husband, her grandmother and a foster child all under one roof. It was not easy and i still envision all the sacrifices the woman went through for all of us. At the time we did not realize it. You are a mother so you are putting your children first. I understand for that's what my mom did. In time people do soften up, and they do change. In the meantime i would recommend just joining up to do things and just doing them with a group. And let him say what he wants, you need the break for your mental well being. My mom stepped out and did that and my Dad got use to it and was glad actually. No one wants to be trapped or feel they are, nor to be around a spouse that the other has made to feel that way. I totally wish you the best (((hugs))) blessings and tc

[TristeDominicana]

Originally Posted by anichka83

When you say you can't survive on your own, why is that? Do you have an education? Can you move in with your mom until you're on your feet? Courts usually side with the mom so why do you think you'll lose them?

I cannot survive on my own because I currently work a part-time minimum wage job while I go to school for a degree in social work. My mother lives in a 2 room apartment, and I have 4 children so that is not an option. The courts may side with the mother, but that is in cases where the mother can afford to care for them. Until I get my degree and get a job in the field, I cannot do that.

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[dexter]

I'm glad that you recognize that you need to get out of this abusive relationship. Is there a social worker that you can talk to to help you with options? If you are depressed you will feel like there are not options (depression does that) and someone in the field may be able to help you with that. It sounds like your mom just repeats and reinforces the negativity.

Good luck to you and I hope you are able to find some options. In my opinion, you should just go out with your friends. If he thinks you are cheating and says "if you go out, I go out" you can remind him that you are not cheating and so while it is fine if he goes out, if he is cheating when he does so you will not stand for that. Whatever you feel comfortable with.

Good luck.

[TristeDominicana]

Originally Posted by dexter

I'm glad that you recognize that you need to get out of this abusive relationship. Is there a social worker that you can talk to to help you with options? If you are depressed you will feel like there are not options (depression does that) and someone in the field may be able to help you with that. It sounds like your mom just repeats and reinforces the negativity.

Good luck to you and I hope you are able to find some options. In my opinion, you should just go out with your friends. If he thinks you are cheating and says "if you go out, I go out" you can remind him that you are not cheating and so while it is fine if he goes out, if he is cheating when he does so you will not stand for that. Whatever you feel comfortable with.

Good luck.

Yes my mother is good at enforcing the negative. When I checked into the hospital for help when I broke from reality, she told my that my life was not bad enough to be depressed. My brother-in-law told me that next time I want to kill myself, he would give me a gun and 1 bullet so that I can. My family is absolutely no help. Add to that, I have not found a therapist that I am comfortable with yet.

[Clara22]

Hi,
Staying with your husband may cause irreparable psychological damage to your children. I imagine is very difficult but maybe there is help available for you. You could find useful advice at Women's Center of Rhode Island > Home