This vicious cycle...

I'm turning 24 in about an hour. I'm terribly lonely so I decided to vent on this forum. I haven't been here for so long, and logging in again is bringing up some emotions. This forum has allowed me to vent and the people here have offered me support that I desperately needed so I'm a little emotional right now. I'm pretty apathetic about my birthday. It seems kind of pointless. Another year goes by and I continue to waste away. Ever since I started having symptoms of depression I have tried going through therapists, psychiatrists, and treatment centers. I have tried to go back to school and try to do things I am passionate about. I always wind up ****ing it up, though. It seems like I make a little bit of progress and then revert back to my depressive, anxious, reclusive self. I don't have much of a life and I'm pretty much recklessly abusing weed and alcohol now. Besides slowly killing myself, I'm just gonna try to find a new therapist and not miss too many appointments. I'm hoping my case manager can help me find the right kind of treatment. I just need to keep breathing and I suppose I'll find my way eventually. It does seem rather pointless, though. Well, here's to turning 24.

Happy birthday!! Just think you've made it this far - 24 years is a long time when you really consider it. IMHO, progress is more about starting and stopping, excelling and then failing, and trying but having a hard time than most people think. The important thing is that you are moving forward bit by bit. Try to be gentle with yourself. Depression is seriously debilitating and anyone in your shoes would feel the same way.

Hello, So_punk_rock. You're right; it's a vicious cycle. Depression consumes years of too many lives.

Whether or not you can feel any meaning in it, I nevertheless offer you a hearty (as hearty as my meds will allow) "Happy Birthday!"

Hi,

I'm so sorry you are depressed on your birthday.

Hmmmmm...should I wish you a happy birthday? Would it be irritating?

How about: Have a Cool Birthday! You can be depressed and cool at the same time; they can co-exist with no trouble. Angst can be bohemian and artistic, right?

You know, I was depressed at your age, too, but I did pull out of it, and for a very long time. There is definitely hope.

--Ceara1010

Thank you guys for taking time out of your lives to give this girl a much needed pep talk. Something as simple as logging in online and venting helps SO much. It's the type of support I yearn for and it makes me feel like I can continue to try to hold myself together. So, thanks. It really means a lot.