[Crook32]

I have been in that deep dark hole of depression before so I know what it is like. I have a friend who is really struggling right now and I am the only person she has to talk to. She has a therapist but has not been seeing her all that long so she has a hard time being totally open with her.

I am trying my hardest to be supportive and using my experiences as a guide but I am not sure what more I can do. I have suggested crisis lines to call, going back on meds and talking to her therapist. I have even suggested coming to this forum. But I understand where she is at right now and her motivation to do these things in nonexistent.

What else can I do? I am looking for suggestions and ideas to try and help her. I want to be supportive but not too pushy because I want her to feel like she can continue to talk to me and be open with me. I just want her to get some more support as well.

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[DayAtATime1]

You sound like a wonderful friend! My advice is to continue being supportive. And it's OK to be a little pushy, otherwise apathy prevails. My wife gently pushes me to do things all the time. I might get annoyed by it sometimes, but I know it's for my own good.

Depression is so painful and you sound like a great friend. I've been depressed as well and have had loved ones depressed, so I feel like I can relate to your situation.

It sounds like you are very supportive. I don't know how much else you can do. If she has been taking her meds several weeks and there is no improvement then I think you should encourage her to call her doctor and her therapist.

Is there a weekly depression support group in your area? Check with NAMI, DBSA (Google for contact info) meetup dot com, and your local classified ads are places to look. They are usually free and you could attend with her as a support person.

If she is isolating, I'd call and leave a brief, supportive message daily or every other day. You have provided her with crisis contact information and that is great. I'm guessing she lives alone.

Please don't forget to take care of yourself. That's very important and it's easy to put ourselves second with a loved one going through a hard time. It's OK to take a step back if this is overwhelming you, it really is.

[YorkieMom]

Originally Posted by Crook32

I have been in that deep dark hole of depression before so I know what it is like. I have a friend who is really struggling right now and I am the only person she has to talk to. She has a therapist but has not been seeing her all that long so she has a hard time being totally open with her.

I am trying my hardest to be supportive and using my experiences as a guide but I am not sure what more I can do. I have suggested crisis lines to call, going back on meds and talking to her therapist. I have even suggested coming to this forum. But I understand where she is at right now and her motivation to do these things in nonexistent.

What else can I do? I am looking for suggestions and ideas to try and help her. I want to be supportive but not too pushy because I want her to feel like she can continue to talk to me and be open with me. I just want her to get some more support as well.

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

I think you being there for your friend is wonderful. Maybe when she is confiding in you, you can suggest that it would be a good idea for her to bring that up to her therapist "whatever she may be coming to you with". I am sure at times it is draining. Maybe when her comfort level with her therapist goes up, things will change for you. Its okay to set personal boundaries, because you have to take care of yourself. You can still be there for your friend while maintaining your sanity.

Definitely take care of yourself. It can be easy to get rundown supporting someone with an MI. My partner and I both have an MI and go through depression. It's easy to get overwhelmed with concern, you both wind up depressed...no good. You sound like a great friend.

Random idea came to me: Is your friend female? If so, give her a stuffed animal! They are snuggly, cute and a reminder that she is loved.

[Skeezyks]

There is an author I'm fond of named Parker J Palmer. In one of his books, Let Your Life Speak- Listening for the Voice of Vocation, he recounts his own struggles with major depression. He wrote that, at the time, the only person who could get through to him was a neighbor.

This neighbor would come over every day & would rub his feet. Palmer wrote that the neighbor had found the one place in Palmer's body where he could still experience feeling. Occasionally the neighbor would offer a comment such as: "It feels like you're getting stronger..." or "I can sense your struggle today." Otherwise the neighbor rarely spoke a word.

About this experience, Palmer wrote: "I could not always respond, but his words were deeply helpful: they reassured me that I could still be seen by someone-- life-giving knowledge in the midst of an experience that makes one feel annihilated and invisible. (Pgs. 63 & 64)

[Crook32]

Thank you everyone. I will look into support groups in the area and see if I can get her out of the house. It has been really hard the last few days because she has gotten really low but I am out of town for the holiday.

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To Crook32

I think it's great that you are being a good friend to someone who only has you to talk to. In a way, I feel like I'm in the same position as her myself. I have depression and anxiety; and just have only one good friend. I really appreciate him calling me every night and listening to me. Though there are differences between me and him. He claims that he's never had depression. Also he's outgoing and I'm introverted.

He does not understand my depression and how I'm not too crazy about being with a bunch of people. He says that he likes me a whole lot and sometimes I wonder why he does. I feel like I could a good source of help to someone who is down a lot. But I don't know how I would feel if I had just that one person who feels that I'm the only one for.

I can't give you advice or any suggestions on how you can handle her. All I can say is just keep up doing a great job that you have been doing for her. You are probably much more valuable to her than you think you are.