My boring boring life of depression. I feel 100 years old

When did I become such a depressingly hopeless, lethargic, apathetic, creaky old women? Can't be bothered with anything, always something wrong with me, aching even 5 minutes into a walk to the shops to the point I come home and cry in bed... I'm only 25 ffs. I feel like I've been robbed of my former self. Sure- I don't sh like my old self, I have less of a temper and not so much of a short fuse. But God am I boring and lazy. Today is not a good day for depression. I've been swallowed up. Excuse me whilst I go hide in bed until half an hour before my partner gets home so I can pretend I'm happy with what I've achieved today... Big fat zero. And honestly, without her, it wouldn't even bother me, I'd just stay in bed and do it all over again tomorrow.
Oh please please, can I stop being so pathetic? For longer than a week? That would be great

I'm sorry you feel so unwell. You sound very depressed. I've had those symptoms and my doctor told me it "was the depression talking," it wasn't my true self. He was correct!

It sounds like your depression is "talking." Are you in treatment - doctor, therapist?

I had a relapse in May, been on new meds for psychotic depression. They are sort of helping but the side effects are making it come out in other ways. Restlessness, insomnia, apathetic, lethargic. Waiting for mental health nurse to ring me back- my usual nurse is on holiday x

I can totally relate! I'm 57, but feel decades older because of my depression. Though I've battled depression since I was about 20, I've never had such a long bout as the last 3-4 years. I have been so inactive for these past years that I feel like my body (and mind) have atrophied. I can get out of breath just going for a short walk or climbing stairs. Nothing really interests me anymore. The John Cougar lyric "Oh yeah, life goes on - long after the thrill of living is gone" sums up how I now feel about life. On a more positive note, I recently changed to a new pdoc who prescribed a new AD med which has eased my depression somewhat. I think even if the depression totally lifted, I'd still be struggling against all the bad habits I've developed over these last 4 years. I know there are things I have to do to get better (exercise, better nutrition, socialize more etc). I just don't know if I have the willpower or energy to do it.

Are you on any meds? Seeing a pdoc or therapist? If so, does it help at all? I completely understand what you mean by having to pretend you're happy. Wish I had more sage advice for you. But hang in there and keep trying...