[Bishtaw]

Skip to the bottom for actually mental issues.

So it has been a few weeks since I toke my trip which didn't pan out all that well. Since then things had been pretty decent for me. (possible promotion to manager at a Jimmy Johns, and recently going out biking). So no issues that would cause me to sink. Yet in the last 4 days I've been legitimately freaking out simply because a new girl at work kinda asked me out.

I was talking to her about how I crashed my bike on a trail that day (nothing serious) and she wanted to go with me one time. Next she said she just needed someone (me, I assumed) to put new brakes on the bike. Later that day I toke one of her shifts for her and after work I texted her She could either bring the bike to work and I could fix it in the next few days or I could go over and fix the bike at her home. She never responded to that text so I've been left wondering, going through every word I've said and every action I've done.

Basically I think I had a major crush on her and she responded. This simply has put my brain into overdrive and I can't handle or understand what to do. Yet worse it's put me past far past happy and more-so into self destruct mode. I can't seem to process the correct emotions (maybe I've forgotten how to use them) and when I don't know what to feel I seem to go into what I know all too well. I've been fighting myself for 4 days on something that should be a good thing yet my brain apparently hasn't gotten the memo.

I've thought about texting her again maybe ask her out one day for something simple but I've never done anything like this before and wouldn't know where to start or go with it. To make matters worse at work she was talking about how she hated insecure guys while texting and while I've had a year worth of practice of putting on a great mask at work that makes me seem confident I have zero idea of how to portray that in a text.

Another thought in my head is SI I don't want to do it yet that voice in the back of my head keeps wanting me to do it and silence all of these emotions so I don't have to deal with them for a short time. I also know I would likely feel worse afterwords anyways. The option is getting more and more tempting as time passes despite being proud of having 2 months free.

I wish I had more of a support network that was more then a website forum that while I love doesn't feel like it would compare to talking to someone as I wish I understood how its come to something in all rights is a good thing my mind twists into a destructive force that seems to know right where to hit to trigger me the most.

P.S. Typing this out also didn't seem to help much besides reminding me that I've gone 2 months without SI.

[Michelea]

I read a couple of posts about your trip, and gotta give you some admiration for it. I am a pretty strong person in many ways, but it takes true core strength to dive into trying something like that.
Hats off to you for doing that.

As far as the girl you like, sounds like you may have a case of the jitters. It's something we have all had to suffer through in our past, when we liked someone and wanted to make the next move in getting to know them better. lol, a plus of getting older is that those jitters stop happening like they did when we were younger.

You could always ask her if she still wanted to go bike riding with you. She has already said that she would like to do that, so perhaps she is also trying to get to know you better.

Congrats on the no SI, let's keep that streak going.

[Fizzyo]