[Fuzzybear]

How old do you think you'll be when you decide to take matters into your own hands/paws if the doctors/therapists have repeatedly failed you or have not helped you find relief?

I'm sorry if this is triggering, at this point I'm not sure how long I can "put up with" "get by" with these extreme and unremitting symptoms

Hospital is not an option

[Jenny R]

I have not given up yet. I go to therapy, take meds and am still moderately depressed. I think of anything that helps from acupuncture to running to traditional meds are a source of recovery. You can stay with the traditional recovery things and try new things. I have done some off things like Alanon, yoga and herbs. I was excited in the beginning but nothing works for long.

I am interested to hearing what other sources you are considering. I might try that too!

[dexter]

{{{{Fuzzybear}}}}

[Unrigged64072835]

(((((Fuzzybear)))))

Possible trigger:

A good friend of one of my best friends committed suicide early this morning. Your post reminds me that there's never really a "good" time.

I hope it won't be soon because I would miss you.

[Yours_Truly]

[TishaBuv]

The doctors didn't help me at all, and what I have taken into my own hands is my own sanity, ability to live and breathe, and loving and caring for myself. Nobody is going to come to our rescue. We have to rescue ourselves. Be your own hero! How old? Old enough to know better! The answer is not suicide-- it's living!

[guiltier65]

{{{{fuzzybear}}}}

[Rohag]

((((((( Fuzzybear )))))))

As for your question: I don't know. My "goal" - without reference to the doctors - is to reduce the chances irrational, intrapunitive forces within myself will burst whatever bounds are holding them at bay.

Years of therapy and meds have not eliminated those forces.

I don't want to post the place I work at because I don't want to self identify, but Fuzzy, have you ever tried a care farm? Google where you live and see if there are any. We take all kinds of people, kids with LD, soldiers back from Afghanistan, addicts, you name it. 24/7 hour care, and the whole point is for everyone to feel safe. Feed chickens, plant some veggies, milk a cow, just sit in the garden and scream. Most of the staff are like me, professionals with MI, so we get it. does this sound like somewhere you could go?

[dexter]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

(((((Fuzzybear)))))

Possible trigger:

A good friend of one of my best friends committed suicide early this morning. Your post reminds me that there's never really a "good" time.

I hope it won't be soon because I would miss you.

Very sorry to hear this Fharriage. Hope you and your friend are OK.

Honestly I don't know. All I know is now is not that time. But I have tried taking matters into my own hands several times over the years. I think the first time I was 15, although I got scared and stopped before I went too far.

That was 11 years ago now, and this year has been a bit of a turning point for me actually. For the first time in 11 years (that I can remember anyway) I've actually had a whole month without a single suicidal thought. It's completely alien to me, and while I can't guarantee it will last it's very quickly become almost normal and I have kind of forgotten the extent of that despair.

So for now I'm just trying to enjoy it while it lasts.

I really hope things will improve for you fuzzy. You deserve it, no matter what anyone has said to you in the past.

(((((Fuzzybear))))))

[Jenny R]

Fuzzy Bear - I didn't not know what you were referring to until I read Fharriage's post. I hope my last post didn't seem trite in light of what I understand now.

What I have to say, I felt like I had posted on here before. I recall that I posted (which I started a thread) saying that I feel like my life will probably never change for the better as I get older. I still feel that way.

I feel like I have some optimism going for me. But then I wonder if it's just a pipe dream. I don't have any kind of feelings right now about wanting to end it all, but I've had them before and I might have them again.

Lots of times I feel like I don't want to be old, sick, and alone. As of now in my life I never got married and no kids. So for a guy who is pushing 60 years old being as I am, I feel like the future is looking very bleak.

I agree that no one is going to come along and just rescue us and that we have to do it ourselves. But it's very hard to go through life alone when things go wrong. And I feel like it's very hard for me to just go out and make friends.

The one thing I would do if I ever felt strongly about doing my self in would be to move out of where I live and get another place where I would prefer to be.