Before, when I was okay, I had a job (not a grand career, just a job), the kids were younger, I was a great wife and a good daughter.

Now, I am unemployed and unemployable. Kids love me but don't need me. I am a lousy wife. My parents are too needy for me to deal with, but they are declining in health...

I remember relatives passing away and while I have fond memories of them, I know that after the initial grief we all carried on. It will be the same with me, so the thought of living for others doesn't work with me any more. When I go, there will be sadness, but they will carry on like I did.

I though..."well, I have depression and then I will get better and then I will be happy again". But it didn't go away like a cold or the flu....and time carried on without me. And now, things are different. I will never be the same. I don't think that life IS worth living. And no, this isn't the depression speaking. I am okay-ish. I smile. I laugh sometimes. This is a different thought process that I have now.

I just don't see the point in hope any more. At least not for me in my life.

[Hopeofreedom]

I'm so sorry to here you feel this way. I do think it's the depression, but it's gotten to the very severe stage when you start contemplating life when your gone.

You should not be handling this on your own. You have so many people who care about you!💜

Your children (how sad and full of guilt they will feel for not doing more)

Your parents (who love YOU! And would feel sorry they weren't able to help you when you needed them the most)
No one really gets over the loss of a family member. !💗

Please seek help!

[Yours_Truly]

I know exactly how you feel. Sorry I don't have any words of wisdom.
I don't even have parents any longer or children who will miss me. Only two friends & siblings, all of whom will get along just fine without me after grieving.

[Fuzzybear]

[elevatedsoul]

have you heard of dysphoria sophiesmom?

Intense states of distress and unease increase the risk of suicide, as well as being unpleasant in themselves. Relieving dysphoria is therefore a priority of psychiatric treatment. One may treat underlying causes such as depression or bipolar disorder as well as the dysphoric symptoms themselves.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dysphoria

i also have this little demon that i battle with

[Unrigged64072835]

Sorry to hear that you're having a rough time.

[unaluna]

My personal answer to this is, theres roses and pineapples and Capn Crunch cereal. Each of those things is a miracle that makes life worth living for me.

[TishaBuv]

I don't even think about when I'm gone and who will care. Once you're dead, it's over, who cares who's at your funeral?

Try to do stuff that makes you laugh more often. Whatever time we've got left, live it up.

Dear Sophiesmom,
I remember when YOU posted to Shining17 on July 28th that...

"Depression does color your view of the world. It also makes you want to isolate yourself.

In fact you kind of start doing the exact opposite of what would be best for you. I think that says something about how your brain works."

You knew because you were obviously describing yourself and I was very impressed with how well this sentiment describes it. My last depressive period started in late 2010. I am still healing but it got much less intense beginning in June 2016. My attempt in Spring 2015 has left me with PTSD (which I can/am working though) and some pain and physical issues (I can't do a lot of the things that I used to be able to do). But I count myself lucky that I'm not paralyzed, maimed, etc.

How long have you been depressed?
How old are your children?

Mine are in there 20's. I've watched one of them heal from what I did (He did not live at home when I did it). I can only imagine what the road back would have been had I died.

If you passed down your "depression genes" to your children, your suicide WILL activate them. You, yourself, said that they love you. You are MOST OBVIOUSLY a LOVING person.

My husband found me. He says he's resilent, strong, but I think it was disturbing to him to. It makes me sad that I put him through something like an attempt. When I was depressed (it colored my world), I didn't think he could love me, now I know he does.

As long as we are alive, there is at least a small chance things could get better. My mom died young. My brother and sister cried at their graduations and weddings because she was not there.

I'm glad you posted your thoughts. I hope someone said something encouraging. Please keep posting. I enjoy your posts.
Sincerely, Myst

[Clara22]

I agree with you but my question is what is the price of living without hope

Clara, you are right. Loss of hope about the future is the stuff of depression/SI. Sometimes it can be less painful to dream about S than the future. It's a sad and terrible way to dream about the future. When this is the best dream that we can come up with then we are otherwise imagining a future that is very ****ed. As Hopeofreedom said Sophiesmom has gotten to a very severe stage in her depression.
So, Sophiesmom, we understand the toil that hopelessness takes. You said you once had a job (not a grand career, just a job). I know it how much it hurts not to have had a financial success of your own. Is your family struggling financially? I think financial struggles can fuel anxiety and hopelessness.
Sophiesmom, are you doing any better today?
Sincerely, Myst

to answer your question directly, " can you make life worth living?", i think it all depends on if you know what you want, and if you know how to get their.

i've spent so long attempting suicide and feeling like i don't belong, i have no idea what i actually want from life- and that's put me in a difficult place, because what ever i do, it just does not seem good enough