[Brownmike]

I'm not the dramatic kind. I've never hurt myself for attention or any of that kind of stuff. I don't tell my friends or relatives how bad my emotional problems have gotten but I think I'm about to reach my breaking point.

My parents were killed in a car accident when I was a child. I never gave it much thought because I was so young that I barely knew them but I'm sure it damaged me. My brother and I were moved around from home to home for several years before my uncle took us in. He was a good man but he was an alcoholic and had his own demons and finally committed suicide when I was in my early 20s.

I tried my best to get over it and keep on keeping on but I've always had trouble with relationships and keeping jobs. I quit at the drop of a hat. I get so angry at life in general I can hardly see straight.

My younger sister was an alcoholic and a drug abuser. She had three children which she lost several times because she went to jail or violated probation etc. Her husband went to prison for robbing a bank.....I'm sure it sounds like I'm making all this up but I promise I'm not, lol.

Anyway last year she died in a house fire after falling asleep while drunk with a lit cigarette leaving her three children without a mother. My half sister who I hadn't seen in 15 years stepped up and got the kids, which was a whole ordeal. But the second she got control of the kids she banned half the family from seeing them because quote "they never paid any attention to her kids".....just mind numbingly stupid, needless drama.

So now I can't see my niece and nephews without fighting with her and I just don't have the energy and don't want to upset the kids.

My brother's wife recently left him. He's always been very unstable too and he has to constantly be reassured that you love him. And I do love the guy but he's an emotional nightmare and he just takes any energy I have right out of me.

I talked to him a few weeks ago on his birthday told him I loved him etc, we had a great positive conversation and hadn't heard from him since until yesterday, when out of the blue ......he sent me a text asking me if he had done something wrong and if I was mad at him. Mind you he does this stuff constantly, to me it feels like a constant guilt trip and just an emotional weight.

So I lost it. I called him back and went off on him, asking him what Imhad done to make him constantly feel unloved. He always thinks I'm mad at him and no matter how many times I tell him I love him he just won't listen.

I know it's not his fault, he's mentally slow as a result of the car accident when we were kids, but I just can't deal with his neediness anymore. It's gotten to the point where I can't even pick up,the phone without being afraid it's just going to be more bad news from him. He calls me at all hours sobbing. It's just beyond draining and I constantly worry that he's going to hurt or kill himself.

He's probably going to be kicked out of where he lives in about a month and he may have to come live with me, which we've tried before and is a complete nightmare. He just sucks the life right out of me. Everything is doom and gloom with him and he just constantly needs to be reassured that you love him. I just don't think Imcan survive living with the guy but I can't let him be homeless either.

My head still is pounding from yelling at him yesterday. I just feel tortured and constantly tired and depressed. I don't see things getting better and I honestly am just trying to find a reason to even keep trying at this point. Even at points where I have been productive or happy in my life my family always dragged me down.

I had a good job a couple of years ago but it was far from home. I got calls from my family telling me what my sister was up to...how she'd lost her kids again....was in jail...etc etc etc. My mom had a stroke and my sister took over her finances and at one point they were all living in a house with no heat because my sister used the money for drugs and alcohol.

My sister and I had a huge argument, she tried to guilt trip,me into quitting my job so she could clean up her life. She wanted me to quit my job, move to the little Podunk town she lived in and watch her kids while she went to jail and rehab. I refused because I have my own life and problems, I had a job, bills, a girlfriend, etc. We had a horrible fight and didn't talk for about a year. I only saw her one more time before she died.

I honestly would just move away and say to hell with all off them but I'm afraid it would kill my brother. But it's getting to the point where if I don't get away it's going to kill me I think. I'm just immobilized by depression and anger.

I'm not religious. I don't drink other than socially and that's rare. I don't use drugs but I very much understand why some people do lol. I don't have or want children. I just don't want this craziness to be carried on to another generation. So I am out of luck as far as the things most people use to deal with this kind of stuff.

Again, I'm not trying to be dramatic, I'm just thinking out loud here. I don't tell my problems to anyone I know and just had to get it out. Even if no one sees this I feel better for typing it out.

I see a lot of posts here so this will probably get lost in the wash but thanks for reading if you do.

I'm awful with words, but I want to say I read your posts and can't imagine being in your situation and having gone through what you have. You must be very courageous. I hope you do feel better soon.

[handheart]

I am very bad for you as you live only bad things in your life and i will say to you that you are a very powerful person ,maybe others will get crazy so far or more badly .In your case i advise you to not give up and continue fight some powerful people in this world live bad things like you and they become some eamples .Continue fighting and in one day you will get you hapiness in life

[Yoda]

Is your brother on disability income or is he able to work or is he dependent on his wife's income?

If he is on disability (or can get it) he may be eligible for low income housing though there is usually a waiting list.

Dear Brownmike,
You are amazingly strong and sane given all you have gone through.
I think Yoda might have a good suggestion. Maybe you can help your brother find housing elsewhere.
You've told your brother you love him. Continue to do it but it does sound like you shouldn't let him live with you. You cannot fix everything. If he is dragging you down, please try not to feel guilty for putting yourself first. If you go down, then you will not be there for your brother. You have a right to be happy/enforce boundaries. You sound like a good brother.
I can relate to not being able to rely on religion to help but it's good that you do not have any addictions.
Brownmike, you are dealing with more than I have ever dealt with. You are amazing and an inspiration. Sincerely, Myst

[Unrigged64072835]

I agree with Yoda in finding an alternative living arrangement for your brother. If you let him live with you you'll both go down. It also sounds like you and your brother could use some therapy to deal with all the losses in your lives. To me it appears your brother may have some abandonment issues and that is why he is so clingy to you.

Best of luck and I hope you get over this rough patch.

[Hopeofreedom]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I agree with Yoda in finding an alternative living arrangement for your brother. If you let him live with you you'll both go down. It also sounds like you and your brother could use some therapy to deal with all the losses in your lives. To me it appears your brother may have some abandonment issues and that is why he is so clingy to you.

Best of luck and I hope you get over this rough patch.

^^^ posters above took the words out of my mouth! (Figure of speech) you should seek a way to heal and grieve, before your health and well-being gets worse. 💜💜💜

[feeshee]

I, too, deal with anxiety and depression regarding my family of origin. I understand. I see a therapist and have a support group that I share with. It helps alot. Good luck to you.