Flip "the Happy Switch"

I have been dealing with depression for 3.5 years. My family knows about it and knows the extensive treatments that I've gone through.

Now lately, when I speak to my mother while I'm having a rough time she repeatedly tells me "you've just got to flip that happy switch." It completely enrages me. I want to SCREAM at her. When I hear her say this I feel like a 12 year old and I want to have a tantrum and say something like: "It's because you say things like that that I'm so screwed up in the first place! This is all your fault!"

If there was a switch I could flip don't you think I would have flipped it? So hurtful to hear--like I'm choosing this misery.

She said it again to me yesterday--she happened to call right when I was having a really tough time and I made the mistake of picking up the phone. She said: "You need to get some help!" I asked her what she thinks I've been doing for the past 3 years. I spend half my salary on therapy, have tried every alternative treatment I can find, five different meds, a day treatment program, biofeedback, meditation, yoga, aromatherapy, nutritional counseling, groups, a bunch of things I can't even remember, etc.

And then she said: "Well,...you've just gotta flip that switch!"

I quickly told her I had to go and got off the phone. It sucks.

Then she'll text me later on about something completely unrelated like the exchange never happened. It drives me nuts and makes me feel extra crazy.

I'm really sorry unfortunately, it's very hard for a "sane" person to understand what a person with mental illness is going through, even if it's a close relative that knows the details of your situation. It doesn't help that there's a lot of ignorance about it..

It's not your fault. Probably it's not even your mother's fault. All you can do is keep trying and never lose hope and if your mother says another comment about your situation... take it for what is it - a comment from a person who doesn't really know the subject she's talking about.

The Skeezyks gave up expecting anything from anyone. They just don't get it & they don't want to know. To the extent I can't help myself, then there is no help for me...

i do understand the frustration you might be feeling. It feels like hell, especially in your low times. It happens with me too and freaks me out. My mom doesn't even say "you need help" she simply thinks that i am making mountain outta mole hole and that "everyone feels like this, why to exaggerate?"....

So i have stopped saying her about it. I stopped telling my friend too. Coz we tell them expecting to hear something positive but most of the time get to hear stupid things which makes us even more sad and messy.

I truly understand. People seem to feel that all you have to is think happy thoughts or whatever and BOOM! depression gone. Or "don't let it get to you" or "snap out of it" or a million other cliches.
One all time favorite is "think about what other people are going through" as if that's going to help.
One time I actually did that. I was leaning over a car talking to the driver, and the others, she said "think about what other people are going through, etc." So I told her to hold on, stood up and thought about what other people are going through. Then I leaned back into the car and said "ok I thought about what other people are going through and now what"?
They looked at me and laughed.
Is it really laughable? Just stop all the platitudes!

Your mother sounds so much like mine ! Ugh! I can sooooo relate😣..

Truthfully what I did was just detach from my mother and father! And took responsibility for myself and mental well-being. I know my folks love me but they don't have the skills to help me right now..

I noticed whenever I got off the phone with either if them I felt worse than when i started. 😕... So now I only call them or see them on my good days. And for short amounts of time.

I definitely have some unresolved issues with them. But one thing at a time.

I will say I feel so much better with the added distance and surprisingly it helped my relationship with them ... Go figure! 😄