[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Hey everyone

I don't know if I'll ever feel good again. Everything that's happening to me is because of one person, which is me. I'm the reason for everything I go through due to my creative stupidity.

Once every blue moon, there might be some sort of happiness and well-being, but soon after that it's all gloomy and sad, and all I see is a completely inefficient organism....me.

At this point, it seems impossible that I'll ever feel any good in my life. Worst yet, I have a family that belittles mental illness and practically doesn't approve of it. So, I'm all alone....and on top of that, nobody loves me, nobody wants me.

I deserve every bit of pain this world can offer.

[Skeezyks]

Hello RenouncedTroglodyte: I'm sorry you are feeling so much sadness. You may feel you deserve every bit of pain this world can offer. But, speaking as one who really does, I doubt that is really the case.

I do have some sense of what it's like to live in a family where one's mental health issues are denied. It can be very isolating. Plus it can compound one's negative self-perception because it can cause one to feel guilty for having the problems one has... a whole "nother" layer of sadness on top of what one is already struggling with anyway!

Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions to offer you here. I simply wanted to acknowledge your post & share a few thoughts with regard to it. I send warm hugs your way with the hope that you may be able to find deep peace within...

You don't deserve anything but happiness (both of you...we all do...)

What do you consider "creative stupidity"?

[Unrigged64072835]

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time. You do seem to have a very negative perception of yourself. Maybe you need to work with a professional to at least be able to accept yourself as better than what you are now.

[MtnTime2896]

I've spent my whole life feeling like I deserve the pain I'm in and I still do. My family thought I was just over dramatic until my hospitalization. Now they call me weak and broken.
Look, "Family doesn't end in blood, but it don't start there neither". You choose your family, people that will care about you and bring you up instead of putting you down.
I don't know how to help you get passed feeling like you deserve this. I can tell you that you don't, but come on. Would it really change your entire perspective? It's never changed mine. Just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you if you need to vent about it.

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by Skeezyks

Hello RenouncedTroglodyte: I'm sorry you are feeling so much sadness. You may feel you deserve every bit of pain this world can offer. But, speaking as one who really does, I doubt that is really the case.

I do have some sense of what it's like to live in a family where one's mental health issues are denied. It can be very isolating. Plus it can compound one's negative self-perception because it can cause one to feel guilty for having the problems one has... a whole "nother" layer of sadness on top of what one is already struggling with anyway!

Unfortunately, I don't have any suggestions to offer you here. I simply wanted to acknowledge your post & share a few thoughts with regard to it. I send warm hugs your way with the hope that you may be able to find deep peace within...

Thank you so much for your reply!

About my family, they just talk too much when you need them. They're a little bit too closed within themselves despite them actually really caring about me. I love them and I know they love me, but I don't think they can put up with my symptoms anymore. And, gosh, I really don't blame them at all.

And hey, it's okay if you don't have suggestions! All I want is to find people by my side, and you're here for me, and that means the whole world to me! Thank you so much!

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by sophiesmom

You don't deserve anything but happiness (both of you...we all do...)

What do you consider "creative stupidity"?

Hey!

Creative stupidity is just about how I, in many different and new ways, become stupid most of the time. I'm really just stupid, but I get creative about it.

I'm so "uncreditable", because there's no room for credits due to my very poor track record of intelligent good deeds.

Make sense? Thank you so much for your reply

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by Fharraige

I'm sorry to hear you're having a rough time. You do seem to have a very negative perception of yourself. Maybe you need to work with a professional to at least be able to accept yourself as better than what you are now.

Thank you so much

I tried multiple professionals who then gave up on me and started making stuff up instead of genuinely be with me on this ride, which is fine, I'm nothing special, and they counseled many many other people, so it's okay.
I have found one good therapist, but only judging by one session here, , and I can't afford it, so it's still not saying much, but that therapist is so promising in her own ways.

I really appreciate you and everyone here being around for me

[RenouncedTroglodyte]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

I've spent my whole life feeling like I deserve the pain I'm in and I still do. My family thought I was just over dramatic until my hospitalization. Now they call me weak and broken.
Look, "Family doesn't end in blood, but it don't start there neither". You choose your family, people that will care about you and bring you up instead of putting you down.
I don't know how to help you get passed feeling like you deserve this. I can tell you that you don't, but come on. Would it really change your entire perspective? It's never changed mine. Just wanted to let you know that I'm here for you if you need to vent about it.

Thank you so much

It's really okay, I just want people to be there for me, and you and everyone here was! That's all I need And, I can't thank you enough for that!

I do deserve the pain. I have no redeeming quality to me whatsoever, and I only hurt the ones close to me. I'm terrible, like extremely terrible, at socializing and I'm always silent and brooding and completely uninterested in everything in my life. I fail at seeing that this is anyone's fault but mine.

Also, genuine imbecile talking to you here!

Thank you so much for this!