[kotaha14]

I live in Tokyo and I use the train every day to go to school. So far, most things are going well. However, recently, despite not having any suicidal thoughts, I am experiencing a spontaneous impulse to jump into the train tracks when the train is entering the platform. I recently sometimes feel like there are no logical justification to prevent such impulse. I feel like it is something logical and natural thing to do. I do not feel depressed nor sad and such impulse comes out without any warning. I used to experience depression and anxiety in the past since my early adolescence, however, strangely, for the past few days, I feel fresh and stress-less to a point of ominousness. I want to figure out what is going on and what I should do before things turn disastrous. I had times when I was suicidal when I was in my early teen years, however, I have never experience such thing and possibly is more dangerous. I have absolutely zero suicidal thoughts at the present moment and I identify myself as a healthy individual. This makes the situation even more puzzling. The scary part is that I usually can analyse what is behind my emotion but what I recently experience is explainable. As crazy as it sounds from a third person, the frightening part is that when such impulse is occurring, I feel totally natural and logical. Does anyone have any clue to this peculiar impulse and the cause? Professionals often explain such behavior is caused by exceeding amount of stress or depression, however, my depression and fatigue has gone better over the last several weeks and instead this impulse came in. It's just concerning. I transfer trains three times during the 90 min trip to school which means I am at the platform at least 8 times a day. I do not know when the next impulse would strike since it happens randomly and is dangerous. It's impossible for me to use an alternative mode of transportation since I am not old enough to drive (and schools usually prohibits it) and it's Tokyo anyway.

I did not know where to put this topic but the moderator suggested me to put it on the depression thread so I will post it here.

[Skeezyks]

Hello kotaha14: I'm sorry you are having these disturbing experiences. Well... this experience is very familiar to the Skeezyks. I have a small dog I walk every day. And I often have an almost uncontrollable urge to jump out in front of speeding trucks, buses, etc. For many years, I have also experienced nearly irresistible urges to jump from high places. I still recall being on an open viewing platform of a tall building where I live quite a few years ago & looking down wanting to jump! I can still visualize it & feel the urge to this day.

I don't know where this comes from. I like to read about current brain research findings. And one thing I have read is that much more of who we are, & what we do, is controlled by areas of the brain to which we have no conscious access than we would typically imagine. So my thinking is that, in my case, perhaps there is something stored in non-conscious areas of my brain that causes me to have these urges. Perhaps something of this sort is the case with you too. At least that's my theory. Unfortunately, how one resolves the problem is another matter. I haven't tried to do anything about it. I simply accept that it is an experience I will have & I strive to let it go. I don't know if something like hypnosis would be beneficial in a situation like this. It's a conundrum.

I get a lot of intrusive suicidal thoughts that are impulsive which seems to me what you are getting right now. I get a lot of trains too and will always get the thought of jumping while I wait. That's been happening for years now.

Do you think you are likely to act on these thoughts? While thoughts can be scary to live with, if it's just a thought with no intent it's not necessarily that dangerous. Are you in therapy? It might be worth mentioning to your therapist if you are, they might be able to help bring you back from those thoughts so you know with certainty that you won't act on them.

[missbelle]

Originally Posted by kotaha14

I live in Tokyo and I use the train every day to go to school. So far, most things are going well. However, recently, despite not having any suicidal thoughts, I am experiencing a spontaneous impulse to jump into the train tracks when the train is entering the platform. I recently sometimes feel like there are no logical justification to prevent such impulse. I feel like it is something logical and natural thing to do. I do not feel depressed nor sad and such impulse comes out without any warning. I used to experience depression and anxiety in the past since my early adolescence, however, strangely, for the past few days, I feel fresh and stress-less to a point of ominousness. I want to figure out what is going on and what I should do before things turn disastrous. I had times when I was suicidal when I was in my early teen years, however, I have never experience such thing and possibly is more dangerous. I have absolutely zero suicidal thoughts at the present moment and I identify myself as a healthy individual. This makes the situation even more puzzling. The scary part is that I usually can analyse what is behind my emotion but what I recently experience is explainable. As crazy as it sounds from a third person, the frightening part is that when such impulse is occurring, I feel totally natural and logical. Does anyone have any clue to this peculiar impulse and the cause? Professionals often explain such behavior is caused by exceeding amount of stress or depression, however, my depression and fatigue has gone better over the last several weeks and instead this impulse came in. It's just concerning. I transfer trains three times during the 90 min trip to school which means I am at the platform at least 8 times a day. I do not know when the next impulse would strike since it happens randomly and is dangerous. It's impossible for me to use an alternative mode of transportation since I am not old enough to drive (and schools usually prohibits it) and it's Tokyo anyway.

I did not know where to put this topic but the moderator suggested me to put it on the depression thread so I will post it here.

Possible its your meds....Discuss this asap with the Dr....When I started prozac a million years ago I had an enormous compulsion to just take all the meds!!!! It was so intense that I still wonder why I did not. Anyway, that med was reviewed and found to have that effect. The compulsion did stop and I did stay on that med for 10 more years. I still remember though how intense the feeling was to take all my pills!!!!!!!!!!!

[kotaha14]

Originally Posted by HalloweenSkye

I get a lot of intrusive suicidal thoughts that are impulsive which seems to me what you are getting right now. I get a lot of trains too and will always get the thought of jumping while I wait. That's been happening for years now.

Do you think you are likely to act on these thoughts? While thoughts can be scary to live with, if it's just a thought with no intent it's not necessarily that dangerous. Are you in therapy? It might be worth mentioning to your therapist if you are, they might be able to help bring you back from those thoughts so you know with certainty that you won't act on them.

I have no idea how it would effect me in any way. I did had suicidal thoughts during my Junior high era. I had a logical motivation of ending my life back then. Yet, this time, I do not have any of those thoughts which makes it even scarier since there is no way to prevent it. No knowledge of cause means no ways finding a solution.

[kotaha14]

Originally Posted by missbelle

Possible its your meds....Discuss this asap with the Dr....When I started prozac a million years ago I had an enormous compulsion to just take all the meds!!!! It was so intense that I still wonder why I did not. Anyway, that med was reviewed and found to have that effect. The compulsion did stop and I did stay on that med for 10 more years. I still remember though how intense the feeling was to take all my pills!!!!!!!!!!!

the problem is that I have quit all the chemical stuff almost a year ago.

[Lovino]

Intrusive thoughts involving death are actually quite normal as long as there's no possibility in acting out on it. If these thoughts are occasional and have no risk, then it's nothing to worry about. However, if these thoughts are reoccurring and you're at risk of suicide, please seek professional help.