[Jadenmia1]

My fiancee lied to me last night again. He came hime high on cocaine and I knew the instant I saw him.
I asked him if he took any, he laughed and said no. Said i was crazy for thinking that that i had accused him of this 3x in the past 2 weeks.
He finally admitted it when I told him i was going to buy a home drug test.
I said I was sick of all the lying, he said that he couldnt tell me these things because I get angry at him.. but the truth is I get angry because we have children and it's unacceptable to me.
I said we needed a break, a year. If during that year he could keep a steady job, be truthful, stay single and get bank accounts back, driving license back, a plan to pay off his debts and see a doctor/therapist for his issues that we could reconcile and try to work on our relationship.
He started to cry and say he couldnt live without me and the kids for a year. That he knows it isn't fair on me but he can't take a break from me..

Today I woke up and my anxiety was raging. I had to take my daughter to a birthday party, people iv never met. I could feel the all too familiar irritability rising when I get anxious about going somewhere unknown or meeting new people. I started to feel sick, worried and sad. I got upset and my fiancee told me not to worry and that he would take her. So he did.

How can I leave him, when I cant do the simplest of things alone without having an internal meltdown?
I feel all my work go down the drain. My positivity is gone. And im stuck with someone who doesnt treat me right because I'm scared of life.

Im having such a bad day.

[leejosepho]

Sometimes addiction sneaks in and destroys a family and sometimes a family appears and disrupts the life of an addict. Whichever might be your own case, ask him what he believes the two of you might do now since both are present and the two cannot be made compatible.

[Jadenmia1]

Originally Posted by leejosepho

Sometimes addiction sneaks in and destroys a family and sometimes a family appears and disrupts the life of an addict. Whichever might be your own case, ask him what he believes the two of you might do now since both are present and the two cannot be made compatible.

Thankyou. He says he isn't physically addicted because he doesn't need it. He says he just cannot say no when it is offered. Which i believe is a problem. He does not.
Iv tried to get him the help he needs, but he says im overreacting and creating problems.
I believe that me stopping enabling him is the only option i have left. Which would mean leaving and supporting my own kids without him. Its just an extremely scary step.

Your anxiety is raging in part because of your fiancee problems. Even considering separation is a very stressful thing in and of itself. Sometimes planning and getting ready to do something is harder that when you actually start enacting a plan. He knows how to push your buttons too. Take a break, regroup and try again. I know how hard it is because I am the biggest chicken of them all. Keep trying -- maybe call your mom or dad for encouragement? Grandparents are very protective of their grandchildren, perhaps they can provide you with the encouragement you need.

I am so sorry that you and your children are going through this.

[leejosepho]

Originally Posted by Jadenmia1

He says he isn't physically addicted because he doesn't need it. He says he just cannot say no when it is offered.

Okay, so maybe he never physically craves the substance and yet maybe the possibility of your leaving with the children would cause him to re-consider the matter of whether his inability to "Just say 'No!'" or whatever actually is a problem...but I am not trying to instigate an ultimatum here. Something like that would be for only you to decide.

For future reference: The Twelve Steps are for people who *want* to stop but who *cannot* do that. He already admits the "cannot" part, but plan your overall strategies carefully because it might be quite a while before he ever has a *desire* to do what he cannot and then faces the next challenge of being willing to do what is required for actually having that problem removed.

[Fuzzybear]