[qwerty68]

My old pdoc moved to the inpatient wing of the VA and I had my first appointment last Friday with the new one. I thought it went well until I read her notes. She seemed to understand that I have serious side-effects with so many psych meds and am feeling much better off them. Of course she offered her pet med, Cymbalta, which I refused.

In her notes she made it sound like it is unreasonable for me to be off meds and it points to a low level of insight into the 'chronicity of my depression' and a lack of desire to get better.

That really infuriates me especially since she obviously did her homework on me, she knew so much that I hadn't told her or my previous five pdocs. She brought up things from 1998! She also had my complete psych med history. I like attention to detail. It gave me a high level of trust in her as I was walking out of the appointment. She knows all about my health issues and sensitivity to meds but seems to think my stance is unreasonable and overly paranoid.

Since I am off psych meds, I don't really need her for anything since all she is there for is progress report and meds. I am thinking to just sever ties and go it alone but I don't want to burn bridges either. I have a really hard time trusting mental health people and when I find one I don't want to lose them, which is what caused so much anxiety when I got reassigned. I know I am going to crash sooner or later and will need her, but right now I am doing okay handling my list of issues.

What is a good way to handle this?

[MtnTime2896]

If you don't wish to completely sever ties, I say request a larger and longer gap in between appointments. You could also ask if she is willing to do phone appointments as well. Let her know exactly how you feel; tell her what you've told us here. Ask her why she feels you're "overly paranoid" or "not wanting to get better". I'd be curious if my own doctor had written this about me. It's something to consider.

[Fuzzybear]

I'd be curious (and somewhat pissed off) if a doctor had written this about me (even if the doctor was competent.. as doctors go..)

I have severe sensitivity and allergies to meds, and when I mentioned this to one doctor I later read my notes which said something like "Tendency to OCD"

I do not think concern about very real side effects and allergies is paranoid (or "OCD" )

Hopefully this doctor will give you the respect of discussing this and not simply trying to throw meds at you..

I would tend to want to keep the door open in case you need the doctor again
(Some doctors as we all know are so much worse than others .. )

Over here it's very easy to have a larger and longer gap between appointments...

I have also had phone consultations with a doctor who did try to help (but obviously couldn't cure my allergies... I have to buy cream for my face from the USA -I'm allergic to all of the creams available over here)

(Sorry this is so long and off topic )

[qwerty68]

Thanks Fuzzy, you are never off-topic. I appreciate your posts very much.

I was thinking of just cancelling the appointment and seeing what happens but that felt too passive-aggressive. Plus she actually did a risk assessment and stated I don't need to be hospitalized "at this time". That just makes me feel the need to tell her less. She did move out my appointments from every 6 weeks to ever 3 months so I guess that is a start.

It was shocking for her to list all the psych meds I have taken and me telling her how they either didn't work at all or caused severe issues or both and then get pushy with meds and use it against me.

"He cannot identify any benefit to any of these and was unable to identify goals for today's session or future treatment. He endorses ongoing low mood, energy, motivation, anxiety, varying sleep, ongoing "paranoia" and auditory hallucinations but states that none of his symptoms have worsened since stopping his medications." Really? I endorse those things?

That was what really upset me but she got lots of other things wrong and contradicted herself. "He appeared guarded and suspicious but was pleasant and cooperative". She said my lack of socializing was a risk factor for suicide but my social support was helpful to avoid it, huh?

She asked me when the last time I worked was. I said "around 2010 just before I completed my masters degree" yet she stated my educational level was HS. I went from trusting her to wondering if she even paid attention to what I said.

Sorry for the rant. I guess I need to stop reading their notes.

[qwerty68]

Originally Posted by Só leigheas

If you don't wish to completely sever ties, I say request a larger and longer gap in between appointments. You could also ask if she is willing to do phone appointments as well. Let her know exactly how you feel; tell her what you've told us here. Ask her why she feels you're "overly paranoid" or "not wanting to get better". I'd be curious if my own doctor had written this about me. It's something to consider.

I have this strange aversion to not letting them know that I read their notes. I am sure they know we can read them but I am always afraid to bring things up they write.

I do get paranoid but not about specific people doing or not doing things. It is things like health paranoia and hearing a siren in the distance and thinking they are after me which to my mind is not as big of a deal as real paranoid people which I have met and they can be scary. I am not scary to anyone.

I have time to sort this out and will try to bring it up to her next time. Thank you for being your awesome self.