[livelife2017]

Hi all - I'm here to vent because I can't place my finger on what exactly is wrong. Everything seems to be wrong. For the past month I've been having a sense of "why" about my life. I just feel like I can't excel at anything.

My career - I've job hopped for the past 5 years. Every time I felt bored with my job, I'll find a new job - I have no regrets about job hopping because salary wise, it worked out good. But as I am nearing the one year mark at my current company, the managers seem very happy with my performance, but I just don't feel like I'm doing enough. Some of the younger guys at work are so much better at what they do than I am - and I know the reason for it. They spend even their free time doing things related to the industry, whereas my passion lies in music and writing.

I feel like I just want to quit and find another job. But I know that's not the answer. The company and the people I work for are great. And it's great for my career. But I am just not happy. And at this point, the happiness at any job can only last a year for me.

I have a great opportunity to work with a band, but I feel like a small fish in a big pond, and want to back out of it, and I just don't think I'm good enough.

And on the home front - I am angry. I am angry with my husband for not helping out with the house. We have no kids, but he doesn't help with the household chores at all (he does do outdoor stuff like clearing the snow without me asking him). He doesn't care about the maintenance of the house. Whenever he does things, I feel like I have to thank him since he's doing me a favor. But over the past couple of weeks, I've come to the decision that it is our house and we both need to be equally responsible for the house. His threshold for "dirt" is higher than mine. So I would want to clean more often. But it bothers me when he never empties the dishwasher or at least help me fold the laundry. And it bothers me even more that I have to do all the thinking around the house - like reminding him that it's trash day - reminding him that we are out of TP. His response is that he just doesn't care, so if I care more, I should do something about it. His solution was for us to hire a housekeeper. But I don't think that solves the bigger issue of him not wanting to chip in. If something is broken in the house, he doesn't care to fix it. So when I bring it up, and I bring it up again a week later, it's called being bossy. How will a housekeeper solve the issue of something being broken?

I didn't mind the household work so much in the past because he worked a lot more than me. But now I have a much longer commute and am out of the house for 12 hours a day and I am just tired.

And what makes it worse is that I suffer from a chronic stiff neck. I've seen several doctors but no one has been able to help. They say I need surgery, but say that I might still have a stiff neck for life. I am just tired. I can't do everything I want to do. I had given up my running (not necessarily because of the neck, but my neck didn't help). But I decided to start running a lot more again, because it makes me feel in control - I just hope my neck doesn't fall off.

Most days I'm not happy about going in to work. I'm angry at home. I feel like I can't excel at music - I'm past my prime. My neck is stiff all the time. I know I typed up a mope story, but I just don't see the point in life. Why? Why go through all this? I'm not suicidal, but I can't help but wonder why we struggle so much to live, in the end only to die?

I'm sorry you're going through all this, I can empathize on this.

Life does make things seem limited due to work and household share.
How is your relationship with the husband beside the chore issue? It's something worth talking about.
As for the stiff neck, if doctors can't figure a cause for it, it's probably from depression, as it causes physical pains in various areas, the neck being one of them. The fact that running makes you feel in control is great, it means it's a combat against the depression. Keep at it!
And if you feel like the small fish in a pond, then how about taking the time to practice at home? It will allow you time to learn, grow and enjoy on your own without the distraction of other's abilities, and relieve your exhaustion.

[Skeezyks]

Hello livelife2017: Since this is your first post here on PC... welcome to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!