I'm spiraling downward

there is nothing left of me. it's all gone. all fought out. my strength is completely drained. no reserves to draw on. used those up long ago. can't cope anymore. all the methods quit working some time ago. all i have how is whine and cry. no support. a therapist that doesn't understand half the **** going on with me. she's not gay, so she nver will. no matter how hard she tries. no place to network here. can't move. i'm dirt poor. i barely exist. so i'm friendless. going to grow old and die that way. oh effing well, who cares? nobody. because i'm worthless. grandma taught me that. beat it into me. and it's true, i am worthless. i'm a taker, i contribute nothing. "baby even the losers get lucky sometimes." tom petty. not this loser tom

I know it doesn't help much but I am thinking about you and I wish your situation was different. My T says something very true "Sometimes life gives you lemons and you make lemonade and sometimes life gives you sh it and it simply stinks. That is very true. You jsut can't do much with that stuff.

rock bottom. not sure if i'm going to do anything or not. the urge is really strong. i'm pushing back mom, but it's stronger than i've faced before.