[crimsoncat]

Everyone says that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,but what if your problems are not temporary? I know that most of mine are never going to go away ,and have been told I have to learn to manage it! When I have looked the crisis professionals in the eye and said I can't I don't want to anymore it is too hard ,they have just kind have shrugged their shoulders like get on with it then.! .

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm sorry you feel this way. I feel like this sometimes, as well. I guess all you can do is keep trying to have the best life as possible, even though that's hard

And that thing from those professionals was quite rude

[Fuzzybear]

I'm sorry

What is WRONG with these mental ..... "professionals" in this country

Honestly, they make me want to throw up

I have experienced that attitude, that exact attitude. I suppose they learn stupidity in "college"

I have washed my paws of them completely.

Sometimes they even make what may have been a temporary problem into a "permanent" problem. It is disgusting

[Clara22]

Hi,
I think professionals meet their own limitations and their own fear to death when they face us. I do not expect too much from them. For example, the majority of the ones I know have a medical model of disability. In this way they have prejudices about me, these are deep, deep ideas that are not easily avoidable. I don't want to use my time teaching them about the social model of disability and that I need to be my own advocate and that standing up for my rights is something I need to do not only for me. They sometimes misread behaviors or thoughts because they are not familiar with the paradigm shift of disability. There are also idiological differences. For example, to me, you and I have the right to terminate our lives when we want. That does not mean that I am in a denial about depression, etc. but regardless our depression, we own our life and we have the right to die, as well. Particularly if we are in immense pain. Of course, I think it is a tricky thing because many times our suicide ideas arise from social elements that could be modified: we feel that we are a burden while there are not equal opportunities, we are poor and destitute, etc. And sometimes for the State it would be easier if we kill ourselves than if they have to deal with us or provide accommodations, support, etc. That is why I am not an active advocate for suicide. I don't want the government to get rid of us so easily.
I am convinced that we all should have an instinct to live. I think that if that instinct to live disappears, something is going on. Either we are under depression (or a desperate situation) or we have powerful reasons to want to die ( for example we are irremediably sick and in too much pain). In the first case, I would like to get enough support to continue living, but in the second case, I would like to be granted with my right to die.
But regardless the situation, again, I think that nobody else but us have the right to make a decision about continue living. I think many doctors do not understand this right
Sending you a hug

[Fuzzybear]

I completely agree with Clara, and I believe we have the right to die if this is what we wish!

They can stick their opinion, labels and all of their bullsh1t where the sun don't shine

[crimsoncat]

Clara what you say makes so much sense ,the problem for me right now is that I have lost that instinct but I don't know if I want the support to carry on living or my right to die ,I am being pressured to engage with these Professionals' but so far have refused and begun making plans but I am so confused I do have much to live for ,but everyday is so hard ,I always end up back here and truly feel I can fight no more I just don't know what to do!

[Clara22]

I think you have the right to make a decision in a calm manner, and not rushed by any urge. You have the right to be assisted in a proper manner. Is every day hard because you lack the support you need? Could you determine what kind of support you need in order to feel better, if any?

[avlady]

i agree with clara, there are other things that could be available such as support system. do you have any family where you are at?or friends? i live on a end end street in the middle of nowhere, but if i had someone to help me i know i would't want to feel like dying like you feel right now. i often feel that way too. good luck

[crimsoncat]

I have a good support system,I have family but that is complicated, I have a history of abuse ,I have borderline pd severe ,depression,severe,anxiety ,poss ptsd, social phobic ,low self esteem,eating issues and health issues and also lost my mother 2 yrs ago , it is all way too much too deal with,and I a actually calm about the decision that I can take no more ,but just need to be sure that it is me making that choice ,not the illness',does that make sense?

[Fuzzybear]

It makes sense, I started a thread but doubt it will attract much attention (mine seldom do, not that that is my reason for posting... I wish I'd just go in my sleep...

I don't know the answer for you, but for me, I've never been more "sane" than I have in the last .... years and I know I do not want to be here..

I apologise for the negativity, my only useful function has been as a support bear... I just wish this life was nearly done... health issues worse, I'm tired.

And no I'm not "weak" - none of us are

(No negativity is intended to any online person)

[Clara22]

Originally Posted by crimsoncat

I have a good support system,I have family but that is complicated, I have a history of abuse ,I have borderline pd severe ,depression,severe,anxiety ,poss ptsd, social phobic ,low self esteem,eating issues and health issues and also lost my mother 2 yrs ago , it is all way too much too deal with,and I a actually calm about the decision that I can take no more ,but just need to be sure that it is me making that choice ,not the illness',does that make sense?

Yes, it makes a lot of sense to me. Grief is an important thing and can color things in a very dark manner. Have you felt better in the past?

[crimsoncat]

I have been in this place many many times ,and in-between these times yes its better but I still struggle and know it's only a matter of time before I reach this point again I always say if every time you stand up someone pushes u over at what point do u stop standing up! X

[Clara22]

Sorry to ask but apart from people interactions, is there any stressors? I am asking this because I am too sensitive to the environment (some things in particular).

[crimsoncat]

Yes many.

[Sula B]

crimsoncat, If I could reach through this laptop and just hug you I would. I am so concerned about you and I want you to understand that whilst I do not know how you are feeling, I do understand that you feel the at you do. Please do not give up on seeking help. The professionals you have seen are clearly not very professional if they have behaved in that way. Please do not think that they represent all professionals. I have seen incompetents to but here ARE good docs and psychiatrists out there. Please hang n there even if it is for the love you have for your loved ones and nothing for you, Please continue to seek some professional help and try to find someone who understands and can help. There are many people here only a click away in order to PM if you feel comfortable. Please PM me anytime you want.

Thinking of you

Originally Posted by crimsoncat

I have a good support system,I have family but that is complicated, I have a history of abuse ,I have borderline pd severe ,depression,severe,anxiety ,poss ptsd, social phobic ,low self esteem,eating issues and health issues and also lost my mother 2 yrs ago , it is all way too much too deal with,and I a actually calm about the decision that I can take no more ,but just need to be sure that it is me making that choice ,not the illness',does that make sense?

Crimsoncat--I am sorry you are so low. I can't help but notice that you lost your mom only 2 years ago. I lost mine over 20 years ago but remember being "at unease" about it for 5 entire years. My younger brother and sister cried frequently about it for more than 2 years. I hardly ever cried about it but definitely had unresolved emotional issues about the relationship. Whether you were close to her or not, our mothers have a big effect on our emotional well being. Deep down inside of you, her death my be playing a role in your depression. I have found that it has been good to talk about it in some of the forums here.

Also, many here can relate to how depressing it is to have a health issue (especially pain and disability) that is permanent. I have found that sleep and distraction helps pain and hope you are not in pain. Financial stress is also a serious depression trigger but posting here doesn't help with that. The only thing that helps with financial stress is a job or getting government assistance through programs like government disability. Lastly, keep looking for the right therapist or psychologist. I have come to realize that I may need to be on medication for the rest of my life in order to be less suicidal.

I hope something I said might be helpful. I do believe in free will. That we have the right to take the drugs we choose and the right to die but we also have a responsibility to never hurt others. Had I died when I attempted, it would have seriously messed up my children, husband, father, brother and sister. In my case, it was an act of aggression. I was feeling angry at my husband when I did it. I think that I was directing that anger upon both myself and him. So in my case, I was making a very bad choice and wish I had gone to a therapist before getting to that point. Please explore what issues are making you feel this way. There is a chance you can recover. Please keep posting.

[East17]

Originally Posted by crimsoncat

Everyone says that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem,but what if your problems are not temporary? I know that most of mine are never going to go away ,and have been told I have to learn to manage it! When I have looked the crisis professionals in the eye and said I can't I don't want to anymore it is too hard ,they have just kind have shrugged their shoulders like get on with it then.! .

Crimsoncat.... you are not alone in thinking like this. I have felt close to the edge for so long now, I no longer believe that it is a temporary thing.

When someone said that to me, my response was "what if I was looking for a permanent solution?" They had no answer to that.
I am quite new to posting on here so apologies that I don't know your story, but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone in thinking this way.
((Hugs))

[Fuzzybear]

(((((( crimsoncat )))))
I don't know the exact words they used but I've heard similar although as I don't trust the professionals I haven't even mentioned my severe SI
Sometimes they mean well but word things very badly
But how many times do we have to listen to their poorly worded responses when they cause us more pain than we are already in
(For the new people, I also am in the uk )

[crimsoncat]

Thank you ,all for your kind replies spoke] to my cc today and she is going to discuss my case again at the next professionals meeting she has tried before without much success but says things are definitely needing to change, the plan is for me to attend a group for borderline personality disorder but i am severely social phobic and they have been putting me under pressure and saying it is all they have to offer me for two years! She finally agreed it is not what's best for me right now.

[crimsoncat]

Hopingtrying,i had a very complicated relationship with my mother until i was diagnosed with borderline personality a year before she died, her death was unnecessary, and i witnessed it. I became alcohol depependant as a direct result of it . I tried grief counselling but due to borderline could not cope with the emotional fallout so i now have just buried it all inside and cope by pretending none of it ever happened!.sulab thank you so much x

Originally Posted by crimsoncat

Hopingtrying,i had a very complicated relationship with my mother until i was diagnosed with borderline personality a year before she died, her death was unnecessary, and i witnessed it. I became alcohol depependant as a direct result of it . I tried grief counselling but due to borderline could not cope with the emotional fallout so i now have just buried it all inside and cope by pretending none of it ever happened!.sulab thank you so much x

All of that sounds very hard and sad. You may not be ready to "unbury" all of those emotions just yet but eventually you may be ready to do that. It may take a long time before you get to that point but in the meantime, keep reading posts. Hearing other people's stories here was one of the things that helped me figure a lot of things out. <<<hugs>>>

[Fuzzybear]

Originally Posted by crimsoncat

Thank you ,all for your kind replies spoke] to my cc today and she is going to discuss my case again at the next professionals meeting she has tried before without much success but says things are definitely needing to change, the plan is for me to attend a group for borderline personality disorder but i am severely social phobic and they have been putting me under pressure and saying it is all they have to offer me for two years! She finally agreed it is not what's best for me right now.

I have social phobia as well, I get it, I don't think a group would work for me either, especially the last few years when my anxiety has been much worse (anxiety about other things too, but would make a group even more difficult for me). I'm happy they are listening to you