[Buttercup360]

Im 19 and My boyfriend told me he cheated on me a couple of weeks ago now not to the exstent of sleeping just the other stuff with an ex friend that i was having problems with. He said that he had cheated back in april but the dates dont work out to that and im having trouble getting though it hes asked me not to tell anyone as he feels stupid for what hes done and has said that he will never do it again but i dont no wether to trust him either i love him so much and i will do anything to not loose him but i feel like we're drifting away from eachother and i spend most of my day thinking about why it happened was it my fault why did he go to her and so on is there anyone that can give me addvice on what i can do to move on because i cant live with this feeling no more

[Skeezyks]

Hello Buttercup360: to PsychCentral… from the Skeezyks! May the time you spend here be of benefit.

I have to tell you, first of all, that I'm an old geezer. So my perspective, with regard to your post, is probably going to colored by my age. But as old as I am I do still have a few glimmers of memory of those days long ago when I was your age. And from that perspective I would have to say that what has happened is not at all unusual & not all that big a deal in the whole scheme of things. Presuming your bf is of similar age to you, he is overflowing with testosterone! And these are just the sorts of things young men sometimes do. And, yes, afterward, they feel guilty. And they beat themselves up for doing it. But really... that's just the way it is. I feel quite confident in writing that this was, in all likelihood, not your fault.

You wrote that you love him so much & will do anything not to lose him. But you fear the two of you are drifting apart. The first & most important thing to do here, in my opinion, is not to make a big deal out of this. Since you say you love him so much, I presume this means you hope to spend your life with him, or at least a large chunk of it. Assuming that is the case, there will be many more challenges, & much bigger challenges, the two of you will have to face as time goes by.

So perhaps think of this incident as an opportunity to begin to learn something of what it's like to maintain a long-term romantic relationship & to practice the skills that are needed to do so. One of the most important of these, I believe, is open communication. As time goes by it will be important for the two of you to be able to talk to one another as openly as possible about how you are feeling. The other important skills are compassion & forgiveness. My wife & I have been married for 38 years. And I'll tell you it takes a heaping dose of both to keep a relationship going for that long! Beyond that, if this incident is something you simply cannot get past, then working through it with the aid of a counselor or therapist is probably the way to go.

PsychCentral is a great place to get information as well as support for mental health issues. The more you post, & reply to other members’ posts, the more a part of the community you will become. Plus there are social groups you can join & chat rooms where you’ll be able to connect with other PC members in real time (once your first 5 posts have been reviewed & approved.) Lots of great stuff! So please keep posting!

[Fizzyo]

Hi and welcome to PC.

Skeezyks talks a lot of sense.

I agree communication is the key, and the compassion and forgiveness. It takes two to make a relationship work, so it has to come from him too, though at different times one may seem to make more efforts than the other, over all both need to want to make it work.

I wish you strength, discernment and luck as you look for a way forward and send a big, caring hug.

[MickeyCheeky]

I'm really sorry this happened.. I'm 18 and I give you welcome
I think you should talk with your boyfriend about this and let him know how you feel. I think it also depends on how exactly he "cheated" you - if it wasn't a big deal, then the relationship can still work, although it will take time to work. Ultimately, it's you who has to decide