[subtle lights]

I just want to be a child again, is that so bad? I want to start it "fresh", I want to be full of life energy, I want to be actually hugged this time, a lot. I want to be loved and I want to love so naturally and effortlessly. I want to feel that my emotions are okay to feel, however intense they are.
I want to grow up trusting myself and others. Trusting myself to be vulnerable, to be spontaneous. Allowing to feel, to make mistakes, to be weird.

I want to know who I am and not be afraid to live.

I am just so angry, because I really tried, but there is the voice saying that it wasn't good enough. It never is, I am unable somehow to get there. And I know that is just torture, exaggeration, but why do I still believe it? Even when I'm writing this, it's just that constant criticism from the inside, that I'm not doing it right. And no, it had always been here. Not just now, not just the last few months or years. Only that now I have no energy left to distract myself from it anymore. My arms are too tired to cover my ears. And I can write on a whiteboard a hundred times that this is not true, that I shouldn't believe it. It doesn't help. It's always here, it's part of me, I think.

Why is it so bad to want to be a child again? When I see small children with their mothers taking care of them, and there is so much love...lately I smile and then feel the tears coming. Why does it hurt so much?

[wiretwister]

can I go with you ...

[subtle lights]

Originally Posted by wiretwister

can I go with you ...

[*Laurie*]

Yes...I think most people would love a chance to do our lives again.

[Fuzzybear]

I may have to go with you...