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Wisest Elder Ever
Member Since Nov 2002
Location: Cave.
Posts: 96,368
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May 11, 2017 at 01:47 PM
#1
My shame started with being "wrong" and "failing" to be born "properly"..
The mother stopped pushing.. she shut down (maybe ambivalent about giving birth or already regretting ..) I was "taken out" with forceps, I was "taken away" to a "special" ward or something.. This would not have helped with bonding.. "Bonding" was sub optimal throughout childhood and at a certain age I realised .. how much I "should be ashamed" ..how the family was not a "close family" - more so than I had realised.. This bear was "shunned" And I internalised all the messages of "Fuzzybear is... Bad Evil Always wrong Not good enough Failure Guilty (always.. no matter what I did or didn't do) Ugly Worthless Dirty    Please don't tell me that all parents do the best they can.. 
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Legendary
Member Since Feb 2009
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May 11, 2017 at 02:04 PM
#2
  ((((((( Fuzzybear! ))))))) Some parents eat their children.  
__________________ My dog  mastered the "fetch" command. He would communicate he wanted something, and I would fetch it.
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Grand Poohbah
Member Since Feb 2017
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May 11, 2017 at 02:06 PM
#3
"Failing to be born properly" oh fuzzy, that was never ever your fault. You shouldn't feel any shame about that. And if you have been told otherwise then that person is very very wrong..
That list of messages, none of those are true either. You are such a kind, loving friendly bear, and I'm honoured to call you my friend. And Iwould never say that about parents. Parents do what suits them best while pretending it's best for everyone. (((((((Fuzzybear)))))))) __________________ Tired of feeling lost, tired of letting go. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Tired of wasting breath, tired of nothing left. Tear the whole world down, tear the whole world down. Failure. Failure - Breaking Benjamin |
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Veteran Member
Member Since Jan 2017
Location: . the land of make believe
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May 11, 2017 at 02:41 PM
#4
Quote:
 
__________________ sometimes crimson acts like a crazy cat, She has to remind herself, she is good and kind ... For that's a fact. 😺 like a small boat on the ocean , sending big waves into motion like how a single word, can make a heart open, I might have only one match But i can make an Explosion ! Rachel. Platten. Fight song. Member since 03/10/09 (new user name) |
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Fuzzybear
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Veteran Member
Member Since Mar 2014
Location: UK
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May 11, 2017 at 02:45 PM
#5
But we see you as...
Brilliant Enigmatic Always wonderful Naturally generous & embracing Friendly Gorgeous Unique Worth It Deserving (((hugs))) __________________ To the world you might be just one person; but to one person you might be the world. |
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Grand Magnate
Member Since Jul 2014
Location: ohio
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May 11, 2017 at 02:56 PM
#6
fuzzy it is good that you are talking more about your feelings of shame...you can say whatever you want...we need to share our pain
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Legendary
Member Since Oct 2010
Location: Under the noise floor
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May 11, 2017 at 03:20 PM
#7
Right there with you, (((((Fuzzybear)))))
My mother told me how big and fat I was in the incubator compared to all the tiny preemies (I was born with a blood disorder and had to have my blood exchanged - 13 transfusions in all) |
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Grand Member
Member Since Mar 2017
Location: Europe
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May 12, 2017 at 11:56 AM
#8
Quote:
 And I totally agree with this I don't know how and when the pain will fade, maybe the suffering will be lessened when we open up and let the pain out, but it's not your fault if you can't. You already talking about it, this is what kills the toxic shame, to be let out, because inside us it's like poison. So, let it out and talk hovewer much you need. Or, just scream it out. Or cry it out. And it's not your fault, just know that.
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Legendary Wise Elder
Member Since Jan 2015
Location: USA
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May 13, 2017 at 09:08 AM
#9
Quote:
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Magnate
Member Since May 2013
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May 13, 2017 at 11:19 AM
#10
Hi Fuzzy
You're not convincing us that excuse for "faulty" parents!!!  And as you know, I say that there are no excuses Apart from, in no way was that your fault..........some other parents may develop even more of a bond with their child after a birth like that........having the worries/the fears, the "What if............"s, truely realising how fragile and precious theiir child is at that moment...........bringing out the caring instincts etc..........and the experience and recovery can even help them value their child even more than they may have. Your parents were "faulty", and every negative thing they told you about yourself was "faulty" because we know that you are none of those things. Fuzzy, you really have none of that to be ashamed about, the shame should lie with them Alison |
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Legendary
Member Since Mar 2009
Location: USA
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May 13, 2017 at 09:30 PM
#11
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This is an old thread. You probably should not post your reply to it, as the original poster is unlikely to see it.|
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