[Nike007]

Warning: there are some things mentioned in here that can trigger someone. Don't read if you can't handle these topics.

Writing this on May 15th.

Also, if this violates the code in anyway, just remove it and I apologize.

I don't know what to do. I am conflicted between three options. I am in a really bad state of mind. This one has only lasted one day though, while the other one I had last week lasted 3 days, and then I went to the ER for

Possible trigger:

suicidal ideation.

I am also feeling in a similar state right now. But I am trying to figure out what the best course of action for me is.

1: Go back to the ER and get myself IP. I had this option when I went last Thursday but felt I would be fine until Tuesday and was just sent home. I now regret this decision. The thing is, I don't really have a ride tonight to get me there. And I am unsure how IP really works. There isn't really a guide to it. Plus, the crisis worker I saw at the ER said that IP may make me more stressed than I already am, also considering that my blood pressure was 163/74 at the ER and my pulse was on average 95. So imagine someone who got stressed by the ER being there for a "short" period of time (I was there for 5 hours). The only reason I mention this because I feel I need more immediate or intenser help than I am currently getting. And it would be nice to get away from all the stress I am dealing with right now, but do not want to be more stressed by being there.

2: Wait until tomorrow, and then if feeling like it, go to the ER tomorrow. I see my social worker, therapist, and pdoc tomorrow. This is the only reason why I am suggesting this. This way, I can ask for their opinion on whether or not I should go IP. I value my social worker's opinion the most, as I've known her for 3 years. I value my pdoc's opinion the least, as she thinks that I am exaggerating my symptoms or am making up my symptoms because of my special interest in mental illness due to me having autism. If my pdoc mocks me for thinking this, I am going. If she thinks I should, I'll go. If she honestly thinks I don't need to go, then I won't. But, if the social worker thinks I need to go but the pdoc doesn't, I am trusting my social worker more. Also, this has only lasted one bad day. I have been having sleep issues, with me waking up at 5 every day for almost the past week and I've only had 6 hours of sleep today, so I know things are not that good for me on lack of sleep. I haven't had a nap, but have had caffeine to stay awake. I have wanted to sleep all day, but am hoping by not having a nap, I will be able to sleep through the whole night.

3: Don't go at all, just talk to my social worker, therapist, and pdoc, and don't mention anything about going IP. I will for sure tell them how I've been feeling, but I won't mention about going IP. If they feel I should go, then I hope they will tell me. The reason I don't want to go is that I'll miss too much school work, I have a concert I need to play in on Thursday and I am an only part for half the songs, and I am seeing my dad this weekend, whom I haven't seen in 3 weeks. By not going, I could do everything I normally would be doing, and I'll see my dad after my last hospital visit. But I am really stressed with school. I have an assignment due tomorrow and an extension was already given to the entire class, but I really don't feel like doing it and am afraid for getting in trouble for not doing it.

What is the best course of action considering these three options? Also, if you feel there is a better option for me, suggest it please. I just would like suggestions before tomorrow. I know no one can tell me what to do, but as you can tell, I am really conflicted. Each option has pros and cons.

TL;DR

What's the best course of action?
1. Go to the ER tonight and stay IP.
2. Go to the ER tomorrow after seeing my social worker, therapist, and pdoc and go IP
3. Don't go to the ER, and just see my social worker, therapist, and pdoc to see what they say about anything.

Thank you for reading this. If you read the whole thing, congrats to you.

Suicidal ideation is a tricky one. It is annoying as heck to have and can greatly impact your life, but if you don't think you'll act on these thoughts then it may be better to not go inpatient because that's usually reserved for people who are an immediate danger to themselves/others.

That being said, my last admission was not due to being a danger to myself, but I had stopped all my meds and went to the hospital for a week long visit for a med adjustment. I was not suicidal (just thoughts), but it was a nice break.

I would choose number 2 but if you ever feel like you're going to legitimately act on these suicidal thoughts, then by all means go to the emergency room. Even suicidal ideation without intent is not easy to have but it doesn't necessarily require hospitalization. Regardless of what you decide, I hope you are feeling better soon.

[DelusionsDaily]

Originally Posted by scaredandconfused

I would choose number 2 but if you ever feel like you're going to legitimately act on these suicidal thoughts, then by all means go to the emergency room. Even suicidal ideation without intent is not easy to have but it doesn't necessarily require hospitalization. Regardless of what you decide, I hope you are feeling better soon.

^^^^^This. IF you are safe tonight I would just wait and be honest with your professionals. However, if you EVER feel you will act go to ER(if you don't have a ride in this situation-call emergency).

[Merlin]

I'll echo the above posters. If you thing there is a chance you will act on the suicidal ideation go to the ER, otherwise talk to your professionals tomorrow being honest about your ideation.

[Sunflower123]

I agree. Keep your appointments and be honest with them about what you've been going through. Good luck. I hope you get some relief and start feeling better soon.

[Nike007]

So I talked to people today. No one seemed to be concerned. When I told my pdoc about my ER trip, she didn't really care. My social worker seemed concerned at first, but she said that it's serious, but she doesn't want to take a serious action to it. My therapist was concerned, but she didn't ask me how I was thinking lately. Our session wasn't a full session. So I guess I'm fine. Though my social worker seem to notice that I was not completely there our entire meeting and that I'm really struggling. I just have to keep working at it I guess.