[Turtle_Rider]

This is the third time I'm breaking down again this year.

I don't get why parents and everybody else are not listening to what I really want. Why do they keep pushing me to do what I do not. When I said "I don't want" or "I can't do it", I'm being realistic and honest. They simply think I'm just either lazy or not having self confident, then pushing me again.

And the stupidest things that I do, I keep holding on following everybody expectation on me.

Enough. It's take its toll now. I've told them that I can never be what they want. Yet chasing my dream is too hard now, because I'm lack of the required skills. Too late because I'm supposed to have work now, but I'm a failure on both sides. All I can do right now is sitting in front this laptop and frustrated over my situation.

I'm scared to stuck like this forever, but it seems like it will be happen. Thinking about suicide, but have promised not to. What can I change? Nobody can answer that except me.

[little turtle]

Originally Posted by Turtle_Rider

This is the third time I'm breaking down again this year.

I don't get why parents and everybody else are not listening to what I really want. Why do they keep pushing me to do what I do not. When I said "I don't want" or "I can't do it", I'm being realistic and honest. They simply think I'm just either lazy or not having self confident, then pushing me again.

And the stupidest things that I do, I keep holding on following everybody expectation on me.

Enough. It's take its toll now. I've told them that I can never be what they want. Yet chasing my dream is too hard now, because I'm lack of the required skills. Too late because I'm supposed to have work now, but I'm a failure on both sides. All I can do right now is sitting in front this laptop and frustrated over my situation.

I'm scared to stuck like this forever, but it seems like it will be happen. Thinking about suicide, but have promised not to. What can I change? Nobody can answer that except me.

what do you really want

[Sunflower123]

I am sorry you are having such a tough time. What do you really want? Are you seeing a pdoc or therapist? Could a med review and possible change help you out? What about talking this over with a therapist? I encourage you to continue posting on this forum to get these things off your chest. Thinking of you....

[Fuzzybear]

[Turtle_Rider]

Thank you all, and sorry for late reply. I was too depressed to discuss about this. Sorry if I previously not giving clear explanation. Was too frustrated, but now I have calmed down.

It's mostly about the clash between my parents' dream and my own dream. They wished me to be successful accountant. But I really don't like it and understand nothing. My dream is to become an animator or at least making comic. They disapprove. The stupid thing is, I keep pushing myself to enter accountancy major and tried to love it. Turned out until I finished uni, I still not love it.

Now I really stuck. I cannot get a job into accounting because my lack of interest that I show in interview. Meanwhile, I'm lack of skills to become an animator. I do study the 3D modelling and animation theory by self-taught in the uni time. But, it still not enough; I realize I still novice for 4 years in animation.

I have disappointed parents for becoming unemployed loser who sitting in front of the laptop all day. And yet I don't know what should I do to solve this situation.

I don't have therapist. I don't have money for that. I can ask my parents money, but I'm too ashamed to asking money because in this age I should be the one who giving money.