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#1
Jun 09, 2017, 09:21 PM
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Say it like you mean it
Bones become dust Gold turns to rust Underneath a spotlight And all the splintered wood Nothing here is shining Shining like it should I'd rather watch my kingdom fall. I want it all or not at all.
__________________
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing" |
 Ceara1010, MickeyCheeky, MtnTime2896, Sunflower123
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#2
Jun 10, 2017, 01:02 AM
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Very well written.
__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
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#3
Jun 10, 2017, 08:10 AM
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Quote:
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#4
Jun 10, 2017, 06:33 PM
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I'm sorry. I'm not worth this. I'm not worth the time or the effort. I'll go away and stop being a problem. I never meant to be an issue.
__________________
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing" |
| MtnTime2896
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#5
Jun 10, 2017, 09:28 PM
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Quote:
I wish I knew what to say but all I have is that I'm here. I'm here because you're worth it.
__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
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#6
Jun 12, 2017, 04:54 AM
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I feel completely worthless. I don't feel like I deserve to get better, or to have help. I've hurt so many people because of how I am, and what my mind is doing.
I feel like the world has opened up underneath me and is swallowing me up.
__________________
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing" |
| MtnTime2896
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#7
Jun 12, 2017, 06:31 PM
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For a while, I am good. I'll speak to people, I'll go outside, I'll communicate my feelings. I'll laugh, i'll cry. I'll eat and sleep more or less normal.
But then, something happens. Like someone turns off a switch somewhere in my mind, and all i'm left with is myself in the darkness. Each time it happens, I feel myself sinking deeper and deeper. I'm scared, that one day I might not make it back out. I might not find a way to climb back up out of here. I don't think anyone who knows me realises just how much i'm struggling. I've tried reaching out, and those who promised to help.. it was all empty words. I don't think they wil lever know how the lack of sleep completely warps my mind, and how the over thinking of everything i've ever done wrong is slowly killing me from the inside. Where do yo ueven start to explain how my mind has turned thoughts into something I wish wasn't mine. How do you even start to explain something even you don't understand. I'm scared that eventually you will see me the way I see myself, then what hope do i ever have. I am replaceable. Why would anyone care. you almost convinced me I mattered. I wish they could hear all the words i'm too afraid to say. Maybe I'm just not worth caring about. I didn't mean to ruin everything I cared about. I'm so sorry I'm a disappointment. It was getting better. I swear I was doing okay, making progress and I'm sure I could almost remember what happy was. Now i'm drowning and I don't know what happened. I'm loosing my mind again and I don't know how to fix it. I know something is missing but I don't know what it is or how to find it. I don't feel like i'm winning this war with myself any more. My thoughts destroy me, but when I try not to think, the silence kills me too. I might just let my demons win this time. I don't have any fight left in me. I can't even begin to explain how much I hate myself. The river of self hatred has flooded, and, god help me, i'm drowning today. I don't recognise myself any-more. I know I can be replaced. I know I can be replaced. I know I can be replaced. WHY WON'T YOU JUST DO IT. I don't blame anyone. I did this to myself. It's my fault. Everything is my fault. I think I already died when my heartbeats had no meaning. Someone, please, erase my existence and my memories.
__________________
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing" |
| Ceara1010, IrisBloom, MtnTime2896, Unrigged64072835
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#8
Jun 12, 2017, 07:33 PM
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I had been doing really great and then got in a "well" and got really depressed again and was sure I was regressing. I began journaling and wrote down all the ways I've progressed and saw that I was still doing all these things despite being depressed. So I saw I hadn't regressed at all. After that, it didn't take me long to get back to feeling upbeat again.
I know how you feel, so hang in there. I believe you can pull yourself out of this. You have before and you will again. hugs, Ceara
__________________
Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success. -Ernest Shackleton |
 Aardwolf
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#9
Jun 12, 2017, 08:39 PM
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I wish there was something I could say.
Look, I can't replace you. No one in this world can be. Everyone is different from the rest of the populace in some way. You're back to feeling down but you know what the surface looks like. You've climbed up and out of this grave so many times. I have nothing inspiring to say. All I got is: **** that pine box, ACQPL.
__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
| Aardwolf
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#10
Jun 13, 2017, 10:49 AM
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I'm sorry for being like this at the moment. I don't want to be like this. I'm sorry for apologising for everything all the time.
I just feel like everything is my fault. Everything.
__________________
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing" |
| Ceara1010, MtnTime2896
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#11
Jun 13, 2017, 11:04 AM
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It is not.. and I'm sorry you feel like this.
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#12
Jun 13, 2017, 02:33 PM
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I feel like i should apologise for existing. I don't know why, but I feel like I'm a problem simply by being here.
__________________
"And right here is where we store our sanity. As you can see, it's currently missing" |
| MtnTime2896
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#13
Jun 13, 2017, 02:40 PM
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Quote:
__________________
Men wanted for hazardous journey. Small wages, bitter cold, long hours of complete darkness. Safe return doubtful. Honour and recognition in event of success. -Ernest Shackleton |
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#14
Jun 13, 2017, 06:05 PM
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Quote:
__________________
"Give him his freedom and he'll remember his humanity." |
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#15
Jun 13, 2017, 06:47 PM
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It hurts. I've been there so I get it.
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