[Benny Blanco]

Yo yo... I'm male.. almost 30 years old.

I was born in the midwest US. Growing up everything was all good, born into a family of slightly lower middle class background, I'd guess. Both college highly educated. Both alcoholics, but obviously functioning ones.

I had tons of friends throughout all of elementary/middle/high school. High school I was a sports player, was offered several college basketball scholarships to smaller schools. Was invited to any and all parties, was with the 'in crowd', my girlfriend was senior year Courtwarming Queen... I wasn't nominated for King however haha, oh well. My graduating class was over 500 people, senior nominations for best body, best smile, etc etc there were like 20 catagories, IE almost no one got mentioned. I won "Dazed and Confused"... what that means I dunno other than I smoked a lot of pot and was laid back etc. I was popular and well known, you get the idea.

I was hurt basketball wise physically, started taking opiates.. oxycontin from a friends Dad (what a nice guy). Before I knew it I was hooked. Hooked meaning physically dependent. I'd throw up/diarrhea/mentally want to die/would do anything when I was without it in bloodstream for 24 hours. I lost my scholarship, dropped out of school. Oh, and my brother during this time shot himself in the head with a shotgun.. and my parents divorced. I'm by no means saying that's why I was doing what I was doing though.

Fast forward to now, about 30. I've worked menial jobs, had some friends and girlfriends etc. I've been in and out of jail, 7 months the longest, total about 1.5 years. Been in like, 5 maybe more rehabs. I was never in legal trouble while doing drugs, just when I substituted alcohol. So I'm 30, 2 felonies for police resisting/obstructing/assault (they're all the same thing here, I never touched a cop). My license is not only suspended but revoked. I live with a family friend and think about suicide daily. I have literally done NOTHING for about 2 years... I have no friends.. no girlfriend.. no hope... no activity that even comes close to making me feel happy and I don't know what to do.

Any suggestions, and be honest, I'm not fragile... if no one reads this it's okay I just needed to write it.

Peace.

[*Laurie*]

Hi Benny, I'm so sorry about your brother.

You might try posting on the Addictions board for more replies.

[Sunflower123]

Hi Benny, I responded to your post on the introduction forum. I am sorry about your brother. I hope you find support and encouragement on PC.