[East17]

... that I can actually be helped.

In the past 5 years I have tried
7 different AD's.
Counselling /therapy: 3 different person-centered T's, plus a specialist one in trauma. Hypnotherapy.
Finally, Schema Therapy (which has only just started so too early to tell) - however I find myself approaching it with the view that it's last chance saloon...

None of the AD's helped for very long, or else I couldn't tolerate them because of the side effects.
Counselling became 'maintenance', something that just kept me going from one week to the next.

In the beginning, I was motivated to keep trying to look for a solution, to feel better. As the years have gone on and things have deteriorated, the motivation is no longer there.
Now I'm marking time until I can finally give up fighting.

[Guiness187055]

There are mood stabilizers and AP's for treatment resistant depression.

There are many different meds that you have not yet tried, as well as other treatment options like ECT.

What do you do in terms of healthy self-help activities? Things like exercising, journalling and reading for example may seem silly, but the difference these small things can make on one's mood is amazing. I especially recommend exercise, it's a natural anti-depressant with none of the bad side effects!

[treevoice]

This might sound lame and I'm sorry if it's something you've heard a bazillion times, but have you investigated any spiritual disciplines? Any that interests you, there's no right or wrong answer. I even see quantum theory/science as a spiritual discipline in a certain sense, because it is an act of curiosity about the nature of my existence and it is exciting and full of wonder to me. I think some of us get to a point where logic can lead us to the end of the road, that there is no reasonable point in fighting, and we may feel like nothing can ever help us, when really the answer might be in a place we haven't looked before - whether that be in a church or in a book or a Ted Talk... For me, finding a sense of wonder/curiosity about myself and the way the world works was the only thing that stopped me from ending it all when everything seemed pointless. If there's no making myself normal within the context I've been born into, then what do I have to lose by becoming an explorer and carving my own path and finding my own truth? "If you don't like the way the table is set, turn over the table."

At any rate, wishing you healing and wholeness. <3

[whisperingskye]

Wish I knew what to say... i can relate. So many different meds, a few different therapies and I still find myself at crisis point all too often.

I just wanted you to know you're not alone. Probably not all that helpful, but hopefully something..

((((East17))))

[Sunflower123]

I don't know what to say either except that I've been there and still get there all too often. Hold on. Your answer might just be around the corner out of sight. You truly aren't alone. I'm here if you need to talk.