[Yellow Knight]

I recently lost my roommate...to his own hand..He wrote me a letter that I received after the fact, and in it he told me that he was proud that I was trying to improve my life. He wrote a few other things as well, but nothing we wrote was anything he couldn't have just told me or talked to me about at any time. I have regrets that I never spoke to him about mental health related issues, and it's causing all the progress I've made in the last 6 months to regress.

These days my ideation is around 95% gone. Medication has been more successful than I ever imagined, and I'm starting to meet some of my goals. I started taking classes again after a long hiatus and as long as things go well I'll be returning to Engineering school soon. I still hate everything though. Self Confidence is really difficult to bring up even through successes it would seem. What's really getting me though is losing my best friend.

Anyone out there who is thinking about what you might write to a person, for them to receive at a point where you will no longer be able to see them. I want you to write those things down. And I want you to send those people those letters when they still have the opportunity to read it with you. Don't be afraid of what those people might think about what you have to say.

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you lost your roommate and friend. I'm glad your ideation is almost gone. I hope you continue to improve. Best wishes.

[feeshee]

So sorry for your loss Yellow Knight.

[Teddy Bear]

Sorry for your loss

Originally Posted by Yellow Knight

I recently lost my roommate...to his own hand..He wrote me a letter that I received after the fact, and in it he told me that he was proud that I was trying to improve my life. He wrote a few other things as well, but nothing we wrote was anything he couldn't have just told me or talked to me about at any time. I have regrets that I never spoke to him about mental health related issues, and it's causing all the progress I've made in the last 6 months to regress.

These days my ideation is around 95% gone. Medication has been more successful than I ever imagined, and I'm starting to meet some of my goals. I started taking classes again after a long hiatus and as long as things go well I'll be returning to Engineering school soon. I still hate everything though. Self Confidence is really difficult to bring up even through successes it would seem. What's really getting me though is losing my best friend.

Anyone out there who is thinking about what you might write to a person, for them to receive at a point where you will no longer be able to see them. I want you to write those things down. And I want you to send those people those letters when they still have the opportunity to read it with you. Don't be afraid of what those people might think about what you have to say.

It's so hard to talk about mental health issues--we are afraid of offending, the person sometimes acts offended, etc. Since he wrote you such a nice letter, you must have been a comfort to him in some way. I am sorry he lost his life but though it was sad, it was his choice. It shows how many people who are suicidal are still good and loving people. He sent a loving message to you and likely didn't want to cause you pain. May he rest in peace. Hugs--please go easy on yourself!

[*Laurie*]

I am so, so sorry for your loss. It sounds traumatic.

I'm so glad your medication is helping you, though. May you continue to improve.

[Misterpain]

I have had friends do it , I accidentally witnessed somebody's " happy" suicide, as a proffessional I responded to many ,and unfortunately in my experience the notes that are left behind usually result in more questions for those left behind ,when the person's intention usually is share love and answer questions they seldom do.
The take away from a friends suicide is pretty simple but it sounds harsh and almost cruel :

"Don't be that friend" , don't hold it in say it, speak it, share it with everyone and anyone, Shout it from the mountain tops , don't hide your feelings and especially don't hide your own vulnerability to becoming that friend ,many times a suicide of a friend or relative is the catalyst for more , your not stopping your pain or there's, and you will be creating a spider web of ripples that will effect more people. Don't let this drag you down , remember your friend and the love you had and they had , give yourself permission to grieve it's not pleasant , you may not go thru the steps in order , you may repeat a step randomly (2 steps forward 3 steps back ) keeping a private diary of personal growth can help ( if you want to share it with a T you trust it can help you discover more about yourself and friend ) let this be a time to grow yourself more resilient, and do something positive like plant a tree in there memory , I lost 2 classmates in high school in my junior year , we planted a tree at school with a dedication plaque to them ( I haven't been home in 10 years but I do go to the tree virtually many times a year and remember them by way of the internet,to many memories to go in person,but I make sure the tree is doing well ) it sounds like you are doing alright despite the tradgedy , if you ever feel like your not say something to someone be it here or IRL .
Keep your recovery going yellow knight, get back to engineering school you can make a good boring living ( my "uncle" was an engineer and got bored so he became a correctional officer ??, so don't get bored ) best wishes on success.