[peanut222]

​I've struggled with anxiety and depression since I was 15 years old. I try so hard. I get out of bed everyday, even if my mind is screaming at me and all I want to do is cry myself back to sleep. I get up. I go to school. I go to work. I passed my a-levels. I got a 1st in my degree. And I got onto a PGCE. I made great friends. I travelled the world. But throughout it all, I felt like this, it's always there. I've tried counselling. I've tried medication. I've tried meditation. I take care of myself. I exercise and eat healthy food. I make sure I get enough sleep without oversleeping. I've tried distractions. I've tried breathing techniques. I've tried letting out my emotions. I've tried holding them in. I've moved to a different city. I've removed all the toxic people from my life. I've been doing everything I can. I've gotten on with my life. I've sucked it up. I still carry on like a normal person and have an instagram full of pictures to prove it. But none of it feels real and I'm so tired. My family and my friends think I'm okay, but I feel like I'm breaking more everyday. I've tried everything I can think of. None of it works and I don't know what to do anymore. I really don't. I'm feel really bad, I want to die. I don't know what else to do. This can't be the rest of my life, it just can't. When I was 15 and I first talked to a counsellor, I thought that it would be okay and I would get better. I never imagined I would get to 21 and still feel this way. I'm exhausted everyday but I'm still trying. But I need some help. Please, I'm so desperate, I'm shaking. I don't want to get to 25 and still be here. Please, what do I do? I will try anything. I want to live. I want to be happy. But I don't know how to get there.

[Sunflower123]

Hello. Welcome to PC. You are fighting the good fight and have made significant strides in your life. Kudos. What you've accomplished is awesome. It's time to get some help if you haven't already like a therapist and psychiatrist who can prescribe medication to give you some relief. You've achieved so much and you're so young with the rest of your life ahead of you. Hang on. It can get better. Sending best wishes and big hugs.

Hi Peanut. Depression is a very difficult illness to live with. Are you currently seeing a therapist, if not, it would be good to find someone to see so that you can get some support and learn some skills on how to cope.

[*Laurie*]

Hi peanut, Welcome to PC

Have you seen a doctor about getting on medication?

[peanut222]

Thank you all for your replies. As I said above, I have tried both medication and therapy. I have been on 7 different medications, on a range of dosages which have made no difference or made things worse. My GP told me that medication is probably not the solution for me. I have also tried counselling on and off and I saw a counsellor in sixth form for 2 years, however, it's not had an impact on my anxiety or depression.

I have taken your advice for counselling/therapy though and have been put on a waiting list. However, the waiting list can take months for me to be given an initial appointment and then I will be put on another long waiting list for sessions if they think I need them. Whilst I hope that maybe this time counselling will help, the mental health services where I am are also not the best and have not provided much support in the past.

Are there any other options I could consider? I am feeling so hopeless right now.

[Fuzzybear]