[limp]

Hello. Not long ago i posted a topic about me going to college and how I'm overwhelmed of fear. My greatest fear is rejection. I've been rejected and bullied since 8th grade. it ruined even the concept of self-esteem. Depression, social anxiety, crying myself to sleep, those are very common in my everyday life. I tried to make friends, it was easy just because there are nice people, but they are nice with me just because they are nice, not that they like me. College, for me was my "reset" button. it was a relief. I don't know, everything feels so gray, so empty. Like there is nothing for me here, like I am an outsider. Everything is so gray. I tried some antidepressants but the mood stays where it is. It's all a mascarade. Everyday i play the same old "i'm ok" role. This week new students arrived and from day one they already own the school. They are very good looking and alpha. It's just a matter of time until i will become that guy that nobody likes. I'm all day sunk in books about social interactions but no matter how hard i'm struggling, the past keeps repeating itself. I KNOW i can't afford another another severe depression episode because this time i don't know if i will get out alive

[Sunflower123]

I'm sorry you are struggling. Are you being treated for depression or anxiety? There are so many medications out there. I went through many until I found one that worked well. Don't give up on meds yet. You deserve to feel better. Are you seeing a therapist? That could really help. Sending big hugs.

[limp]

I had some meds, but right now, i need concentration. Meds only make me sleepy and dizzy.